Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Fall is here

We had nice weather the last couple of week...no rain, but chilly. Now the rain is here for at least 2 weeks. Ug. That is putting a damper on my bi-polar. I'm crying one minute and feeling OK the next. I told mom today that I haven't felt "happy" in a long time. I'm either OK, or not. The kids make me laugh and I feel content at times, but not happy. I wish that I could be doctor/treatment free for a few weeks or a month so we could go somewhere for a weekend. I think our whole family needs it. It's been intense for all of us. Asa has really been grasping on to his umm umm lately, so I guess we are all a bit anxious and ready for some fun. Friday we will know more after we talk to the oncologist and see what the next course of action. I'm tired of fighting, but this cancer isn't gone yet and I have to get rid of it, I'm just so tired and hoping that my body and emotional state can handle it. Just some side effect that could be too hard on me to keep the same treatment.

My nails are lifting from my cuticles and I may lose some of them, toe nails and fingernails both.
I have sores in my mouth that hurt.
My feet look like dinosaur feet, scaley, red and skin is peeling off. I look like a molting snake.
I have brown spots all over face.
I shake constantly and can keep it under control by taking yet another medication that give me a whole new set of side effects.....but you have see what is worse, and shaking is worse.
My feet are numb from the ankles down and they feels like they are in ice buckets.
I ache all over my body and the pain sucks from the chemotherapy.
My skin is very sensitive, it actually hurts to put lotion on my body and my face. I have to use my fingertips. It feels like a sunburn all over my body.
I sweat off and on at all times.
Constipation/diarrhea- depends and it sucks whichever because either way, it's painful.
Nausea nausea nausea go away
I thought that losing my hair would be horrible and the worse thing possible before I lost it. It's the least of my problems.

I know that many of you have or are going through these same things, and my heart goes out to you. If you are family of a cancer patient, my heart goes out to you as well. I can't even try to understand how my family copes with this but I'm grateful that we have our heavenly God. I sing praises to him and have complete faith and believe, but we have our down times and have to leave it with God for a while and then pray constantly and thank Him for our miracles too. I don't want to complain, I'm grateful, but it's still cancer and still chemotherapy and nothing about it is good. NOTHING, it's horrible.

I love and appreciate all of my blogger family and continue to thank you for your prayers, donations, good thoughts and energy sent my way and your love and time.

Asa started his first day of Hebrew School this evening. Joshua went with him. Asa was happy to be going and meeting new friends and just plain learning something different. I cried as they drove off. This is his only school he has been to. Hebrew school is one night a week and he will be learing about the new testament and learning to speak Hebrew. I can't wait to hear about is time there.

Here are some pictures from the week. They make me smile :)

Asa got enough birthday money from so many generous friends and relative that is is able to start up his own savings account. he bought this soccer foos ball table and told me that "he had made a good decision on the game and that we could all play it together and he would still have over $110." I agreed.
Josh said that this picture made his day. just hangin' in front of the woodstove and very cozy.

my pride and joy. I love her so much. This is a great smile. Eating ice cream

eating ICE CREAM, sissy style and size. LOL
we still have some fun times and tire ourselves out. I love my family and my sister is so wonderful and amazing. She takes care for Asa and both the kids and is great with them. I appreciate you Sissy and thank you for all that you do for me. I love you so much and will know and love you for the rest of my life.
I love my God and my family.


Lori said...

You are an amazing woman Trina! I'm in awe of all you go through every day and still you can smile and enjoy your life. You're awesome!

Krystal said...

Hey, Trina - it is so good to read an update from you. I wish that you did not have so many painful things to update us about, but it is still so good to hear from you because you have such a strong, positive outlook on everything. You truly are amazing! I will continue to pray for your healing. Lots of love to you!

Grama said...

Thanks for giving this to us. It is hard to hear that you are suffering so much but I am so grateful that you still love God and still trust in Him. Continued prayers for strength and of course healing. We love you so very much.

Beya said...

Jesus healed us on the cross. By His wounds are we healed. Amen! You are an inspiration to us all! Love, mama

nikki said...

So nice of you to update us. You are so thoughtful even when you are in so much pain. I remember the numbness in the feet. Feels like pins and needles, even socks hurt. Just wondering if your dr, or anyone suggested medical maraijuana. I remember it did help me with allot of the side effects, especially the nausa. Not that I'm some drug pusher, but hey if it works!!!
Continued prayers as you battle this war!!

Anonymous said...

Trina dear
My heart goes out to you, and to all of your family. my prayers are said often for you all.

Im so sorry that your physical body is in such discomfort and pain.
even so, you are STILL a beautiful women..........your Spirit is so gentle and sweet and kind,
I love you sweet Lady.
love Aunt Kathy

Anonymous said...

You my dear have been on my mind alot lately.. thank you for the post, I am so so sorry about the pain you are sufferig through.. I pray for you often and I have you on the prayer list with my bible study group.. Give Asa a hug and tell him I am proud of him for getting into Hebrew school and for using his money wisely..
I am thankful you have not lost sight of God's love for you.

Love and Hugs,


Kelly said...

Trina your faith is inspiring! I think you are an amazing woman, mother,sister and child! I am so glad you have such a wonderful family to lean on! Keep us updated I think its good for you :) You continue to be in my prayers!

Candy said...

Your post made me cry n cry n cry I don't really know why...I guess because last week I was supersick and had quite a few of the symptoms you had ( hormone thing) & I found it hard to be happy or care for my kids, thinking about you having to go thru this for so long just made me cry

I agree w Josh on the cozy fireplace pic

I m so excited for Asa

I m so jealous you have sister... And a great one at that

Tracey said...

I love you! You are an inspiration!! I feel liks such an asshole...I have the flu and think I am dying, you are going thru treament and you continue to stay strong. I need to learn from you!!

Hugs to that kick ass family of yours!!

Daria said...

Nice to have an update ... all those side effects put together is just too much ... it's overwhelming.

Thinking of you ...

mylene said...

How great a testimony your faith! May God continue to bless and heal you and grant you peace. I love you. God bless you.

Steph said...

Trina, you are an amazing woman. With all your trials you are facing, your faith blows me away and humbles me. You are the perfect embodiment of what the Apostle Paul said when he said that 'suffering produces perseverance, perseverances produces character and character produces hope'. You have persevered through this with such grace and character, that you have a produced a hope for your recovery in everyone you touch. Many prayers being lifted up for you and your family. :-)

Steph said...

Here's the verse for you. It is one of my favorites.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5