Another Day

I had my Medi-port put in yesterday. I have been pretty upset in my stomach since yesterday and it's hard to keep food down. I haven't taken pain pills since 7:30 am and am feeling OK.

My doctor's office called today and the breast MRI from Friday showed a "spot" that needs to be biopsied on Wednesday. I am unable to start treatment tomorrow. I am relieved, but I just want to get started. I'm feeling in my heart that the spot is cancer. It's not worry some to me. It would kind of be nice to know where the live cancer came from and that would probably be the answer. If I have a tumor in my breast, I want a double mastectomy STAT! It grosses me out thinking that they could be growing cancer inside. I'm disgusted that I have cancer growing inside me period. It sucks.

I have just laying around today and kind of feeling sorry for myself. I think I'm entitled to. I'm doing better about the baby though. Now I'm thinking about me. I feel guilty about not spending enough time with Asa the last couple of weeks and I feel guilty about the baby and I feel guilty about my Mom and Sissy and Papa doing so much work for me. I just want to be able to be myself again. I sound like a broken record.

Asa told me something funny and sweet the other day. He just looked me in the eyes and said "Mum, I'm sorry that your baby isn't going to hatch from your vagina". I just looked at him serious back and said "me too". It was a sweet moment but I was laughing inside.

I'm tired and feeling a bit sick, so I'm keeping this short. Oh, Sissy and Valentina came over for most of the morning, and Mom and Papa spent the day here. Papa worked in my back yard and made it look immaculate and Mom worked inside and made the inside of my house look immaculate. She cooked and played with Asa and I'm sure she is exhausted tonight. I couldn't' be alone today after the surgery and Josh had to work, so I'm so glad for my familia :) It was nice to see Sissy and Valentina.

I got a special card and sweet gift from Heather D. today. Thank you. It made my day and made me smile. I have such great friends that I haven't ever met! I'm blessed.

Continue to pray and keep good thoughts. I have good moments and bad moments many times a day, but have comfort in the fact that I have such support and love.