AMPED!

I'm not feeling particularily good today. My doctor put me on an additional anti depressant since I was so low last week, and this med is working too good. I'm pretty amped and feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I feel like I'm crawling out of my own skin. Very uneasy feeling. I'm going to see my pcp today, and see my psychiatrist on Friday for a better remedy of drugs. This is very hard for me. I wish that I could feel calm and content. It's been quite a while. It's very hard to admit that I am sick. I now know why people with depression and different mental diseases go off meds. It's very scary to start new ones, don't know what type of side affects there may be on your body, and if it will even work! However, the alternative is worse, and that's why I keep plugging along, even talking with doctors I don't care for.
I feel like a bad mother and wife, knowing that I can't get all the joy I can possible get from my wonderful Josh and Asa. I feel like I am alone in this feeling. I have the best family ever, however, still feel like this, and wish that I could control these sad and manic feelings. NOT!
Well, that went somewhere I didn't particularly want to go, but do feel better after writing this. Not so amped. I got my self depressed now!!! ARGHHHHG
Can't wait to see my boys after I get off work at 12pm(thank God I only work part time)and hope to have a nice day outside watching Asa playing in his sand box. I need to get some sun too. Shake 'n bake!!!