This and that

My fingers hurt to type, so I;m just using my index fingers...bear with this post :) Again, I want to thank you all whoprayed for me on Sunday evening. I felt great after the Healers were here. I feel at peace and ready to take on this new treatment. I'm so thankful for you all who support me and pray for me.

I have some cute pics from the last couple of weeks.

Asa and Josh playing with a mini foos ball table. He spent $10. of his birthday money on it and said that "I made a good decision on this toy Mum..daddy and I can both play it and I still have $210.00 left for later". The face on Asa just makes me smile.
speaks for itself

How I love this baby girl of ours. The pumpkin in the backround is one from our garden. Asa moves it from place to place. He is proud of it.

Asa on his first day of Hebrew school last week.

"bye mum, see ya when I get back!"

What happened to my baby boy? I want to remember EVERYTHING he and Vali have ever said or done. They grow up too fast and I feel that I missed all summer on keeping up with Asa and Vali.

Flu on Wednesday. He threw up 5 times on Wednesday and couldnt' keep down anyti=hing. Even popsicles. He won't eat them now. He shudders. Poor thing..

Asa a nd Papa picking the 10 apples on our tree that Papa planted in May. It is such a little tree but pruduced lots of apples. We counted 35 in August, but some fell off or had worms, but the ones he picked are perfect. I loved watching them together. Joshua got some great pictures AND he videotaped at the same time.

Fall is here

We had nice weather the last couple of week...no rain, but chilly. Now the rain is here for at least 2 weeks. Ug. That is putting a damper on my bi-polar. I'm crying one minute and feeling OK the next. I told mom today that I haven't felt "happy" in a long time. I'm either OK, or not. The kids make me laugh and I feel content at times, but not happy. I wish that I could be doctor/treatment free for a few weeks or a month so we could go somewhere for a weekend. I think our whole family needs it. It's been intense for all of us. Asa has really been grasping on to his umm umm lately, so I guess we are all a bit anxious and ready for some fun. Friday we will know more after we talk to the oncologist and see what the next course of action. I'm tired of fighting, but this cancer isn't gone yet and I have to get rid of it, I'm just so tired and hoping that my body and emotional state can handle it. Just some side effect that could be too hard on me to keep the same treatment.

My nails are lifting from my cuticles and I may lose some of them, toe nails and fingernails both.
I have sores in my mouth that hurt.
My feet look like dinosaur feet, scaley, red and skin is peeling off. I look like a molting snake.
I have brown spots all over face.
I shake constantly and can keep it under control by taking yet another medication that give me a whole new set of side effects.....but you have see what is worse, and shaking is worse.
My feet are numb from the ankles down and they feels like they are in ice buckets.
I ache all over my body and the pain sucks from the chemotherapy.
My skin is very sensitive, it actually hurts to put lotion on my body and my face. I have to use my fingertips. It feels like a sunburn all over my body.
I sweat off and on at all times.
Constipation/diarrhea- depends and it sucks whichever because either way, it's painful.
Nausea nausea nausea go away
I thought that losing my hair would be horrible and the worse thing possible before I lost it. It's the least of my problems.

I know that many of you have or are going through these same things, and my heart goes out to you. If you are family of a cancer patient, my heart goes out to you as well. I can't even try to understand how my family copes with this but I'm grateful that we have our heavenly God. I sing praises to him and have complete faith and believe, but we have our down times and have to leave it with God for a while and then pray constantly and thank Him for our miracles too. I don't want to complain, I'm grateful, but it's still cancer and still chemotherapy and nothing about it is good. NOTHING, it's horrible.

I love and appreciate all of my blogger family and continue to thank you for your prayers, donations, good thoughts and energy sent my way and your love and time.

Asa started his first day of Hebrew School this evening. Joshua went with him. Asa was happy to be going and meeting new friends and just plain learning something different. I cried as they drove off. This is his only school he has been to. Hebrew school is one night a week and he will be learing about the new testament and learning to speak Hebrew. I can't wait to hear about is time there.

Here are some pictures from the week. They make me smile :)


Asa got enough birthday money from so many generous friends and relative that is is able to start up his own savings account. he bought this soccer foos ball table and told me that "he had made a good decision on the game and that we could all play it together and he would still have over $110." I agreed.

Josh said that this picture made his day. just hangin' in front of the woodstove and very cozy.

my pride and joy. I love her so much. This is a great smile. Eating ice cream

eating ICE CREAM, sissy style and size. LOL

we still have some fun times and tire ourselves out. I love my family and my sister is so wonderful and amazing. She takes care for Asa and both the kids and is great with them. I appreciate you Sissy and thank you for all that you do for me. I love you so much and will know and love you for the rest of my life.

I love my God and my family.

Just a couple of days

Just some pictures and comments from the past few days. I'm the best I've been in over a week and plan on getting some fun shopping done, Big Lots!

The night before Asa's birthday, me doubled up with nausea and having a 5 year old "help" decorating the most difficult cake I've ever tried to attempt. We colored the chocolate frosting black to resemble a soccer ball. Asa had to sample. The cake was so ugly and bad, I ordered from a bakery the next morning. Thank you Sissy and Mom for all your help that day. Taking care of everything while I slept until the party started. I apprecate you so much.

The best picture of Asa's 5 party. This is so him. He loves chocolate so much and doesn't get it too horribly much, but it always ends up around his lips...... ALWAYS!

At chemo a couple of weeks ago. Josh enjoys documenting and taking pictures. We laugh when the camera comes out. This is Mom's "best" side.

My best side. YUCK! I'm wearing down really quickly.... I'm so tired and just tired of feeling like I am chemotherapy constantly every minute of every day. This was a really bad day.

Asa's pumpkin he grew in his garden. He is very proud.

Yesterday at Shari's before treatment. I never want to go and everything there is gross. But when Asa realizes it's treatment day, he is up so fast to get ready it just melts my heart. He does the picture search on his placemat EVERY MONDAY and pretends he can't find the pictures. He has been doing this same puzzle since June :) This picture is funny because it looks like all the other's Shari's pictures

I wrote the following before the above pictures and post.

I have had a hell of a 2 weeks. I want to keep this from being a cancer post, but..... can't. I am feeling so much better after treatment, and am so thankful. I have decided to cut my chemo down by another 10% as I didn't think I'd be able to physcially or mentally complete it with the higher dose. The last 2 weeks have been horrible.

I appreciate all of you and think of you all praying and thinking of me. I REMEMBER THIS THROUGHOUT MY DAY! Thank you and I am thinking of you all.

What a Wonderful Day!

Yesterday was chemo and I felt great afterward..it took over 5 hours, labs took long and chemo took longer than usual, so it was an all day deal. Sissy went with me and I enjoyed our time together. She was a great substitute for mom. Mom got sick, probably from Asa being sick the last 3 days. He had a fever of about 100 degrees steady for 3 days. Josh kept us apart. "Asa you sit here, Trina, you sit here". If we would get arms length, we were in trouble. It was very hard to stay away from my baby when he was sick, but I had to. Josh told me I wouldn't be much good laying in the hospital not able to see Asa at ALL if that happened. Oh, to listen to reason. Today we have had a great day, Asa is well and I'm well. I did laundry, cleaned up a bit, went grocery shopping (first time in 2 weeks) and I'm even making taco salad and greek pasta salad for dinner. No pills for me today either.

I'm so thankful to God you guys. I can't even explain how wonderful I am doing. Last week was rough, but the nausea was kept at bay. My inlaws were here for 10 days (in a hotel) but spent a lot of time with Asa which was nice. I still felt I needed to "entertain" ie. stay up on the couch, not lay in bed so much, so my body was exhausted. we'll see how I feel tomorrow, but just so PLEASED that today was my best day since starting chemo. It's the first full day I've watched Asa since chemo. I even took care of paperwork and bills. what a wonderful day :) I had to share with all of you that care and love me. It's pretty exciting.

Mom in law, Asa and I were eating lunch last week. Asa was yawning and yawning, then he snapped at me and got kind of grumpy. A couple of minutes later I said "I think somebody is tired". He continued eating and said "are you tired Mum?" no I said. "Is grandma tired?" no she said. He threw his hands on his chest and said "well, I'M not tired....so who you talking about?" It was pretty cute. He has been saying the funniest things lately and just growing up so fast. His personality is changing and he has been quite the jokester. It just started to rain just now and Asa stopped what he was doing. "Mum, it's raining! We have to pull in my soccer goal from the yard and make sure we pick the vegetables that are ripe before they get too full of water! Hurry!" I was running out of the house, going to do what he said and he said just a minute I have to put my flip flops on. I was in the middle of telling him to put his tennis shoes on, since the grass was wet...he was gone, so I let it go, figuring his feel will get wet. I try not to sweat the small stuff even though I'm a bit OCD. I was outside and here he comes, just underwear and his rain boots. He was in SAVE THE VEGETABLES mode and looked like he was running into a burning building to save kittens or something. I love being a mom and I love the little things that make me smile. I wish I could remember all of them, but there are so many new ones.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support and love. I feel it around me all the time and I haven't been reading blogs as much. I don't normally have energy to check email or get on line, every4 or 5 days or so....and when I have energy I spend time with the family or sit outside on my kick ass hammock. I do ask Sissy and Mom for updates on many of you and she keeps me updated. I care for all of you and appreciate all that you do for me. Thank you :)

Mom's been doing more blogging so you can check her out http://beyasblog.blogspot.com/

Shake N Bake!

Tuesday is a good day

Again, forgive the spelling. My hands tremble and my speeling is horrible, but I'm trying here peeps. I had my 3rd cycle of round 2 of chemo yesterday. I went in feeling pretty shitty, nauseated and pained, but afteward, I felt much better and came home. I didn't even nap, I stayed up until around 10, Asa went to bed late watching Storm Trackers with Josh and I ate an ate. I had kept NOTHING down on Sunday and was so hungry. I felt like I was binge eating. Josh would check on my in the bedroom and I was eating something different every time. Delicious. I have Monday off, and the last time I had a week off I felt horrible. Dr told me that if I'm feeling REALLY bad, I can go in for some fluid IV with a dash of steroid and anti nausea to get me though the week. That made me so appy. This weekend is my favorite holiday. Oregon Brewfest. I won't be agle to bo, and I'm dissap0inted. This makes me sad, and I don't know why. Oh well....maybe next year.

Asa and I hangin watching the boob tube.
Me. ready to hit the road on some errands. Errands now consist of pharmacy and lunch. By the time I'm done, I have to sleep for 2 hours to recover.

My wig that the boys picked out. they love it when I try it on. I don't. I don't think I'lle ver wear it. Josh LOVES it though, you should see hus face when he sees me wearing it. I suprise him sometimes. That's it, it comes right off. It is cute, but needs the bangs trimmed a bit.

Shari's 2 weeks ago. I'm really sick of shari's. The lats time we went I had cottage cheese and that almost came up. Asa just lookeds forward to chemo day because we go go shari's and he gets cheese sticks and french fries at 8am.

At treatment. Mom keeping track of my drugs and times in my journal (thanks mandy).

Eating a nutri grain bar. I'm always hungry. I have lost 12 lbs since starting chemo. I don't know how, It seems like I eat all the time.

Asa NEVER colors. He skips over the coloring parts in puzzle and school books. One afternoon, jOsh showed this to me. Asa had done it on his own. I thought josh had helped and josh thought that Ihad helped. I asked Asa, how did ou fiture outohow to do that colors? he showed me the graphon the top and said, see? the number shows the color? I' very proud of him.

asa was dancing on the 4th of july

Cant' tell if this is a "love you tt" shot or a "NOOOOOO" shot.

Asa was sitting on the ghetto garbage we had in the back yard

and then is busted on him

Sissy and I comparing pedicures. I won.

the girls just hanging watching the kiddos doing the little firecrackers

Mi papa :)

I feel bad that i can't post very often. I think of all of you and have Sissy keep me updated on your blogging to see how all ofyou are. I can feel all the love and the prayers so close to me. They are an inspiration to me. I'm hanging in there, having good and bad moments, but life is gettin to have a schedule agagin and I am trying ot to let this cancer dictate my entire life. It is hard, but i still have bills to pay and calls to make and decisions to decide upon. I feel stronger mentally and spriritually every day. Physically I feel weak. I HATE FEELIN WEAK in body. Pray that I am strong. I' callin in today for my tumor marker. I hope its LOW!

Love you all

SHAKE N BAKE!

whew

I'm very tired, but wanted to update on some pictures from the lats couple of weeks. Excuse the spelling, I'm very tired. These pictures are backwards, so these first ones are more current then the following ones.

I'm doig well. I have miracles to report. My tumor marker is down from 805 to 625, I do not have the mutated gene and my insurance company is paying for my anti nausea patches that are SO expensive. THANK YOU GOD! I am tons better than last week. Last week was pure hell and I was not well. I was angry and crying. The nausea and paid were terrible. Mom and I have gotten me on a pretty good cocktail going on, so we are going to stay with it for a while.

Asa fell asleep with me and had his cute little hand on my back. Mom got the photo op.

Asa watering the garden. He is so helpful and I love him so much.

My worse day so far, last Tuesday. It was hell.

Trying to stay strong. It was a rough one. Thanks for the kick ass head wear Gmom. I love them.

whoops, didn't fix the picture. 2 Sundays ago, Asa and Josh went to a Timbers game again. I cried that I couldnt' go, but they had fun anyway. Asa had gotten a free ticket, along with a PGE Park tour. I love my boys.

If I'm not up eating or sitting up, I'm usually in bed. Chemo sucks so bad.

The day Papa, Joshua and Asa shaved my head...2 weeks ago maybe? It felt great to get all that gross hair off my head.

Mullet shot for Holly. SO SICK!

GORGEOUS!

He's getting so big. He is so brave. He understands that I need my rest and is being so brave. I am missing out on so many things with him, but I have to be brave too. I was ablet to go to his soccer game tonight. He scored a goal. I'm so thankful to God for letting me live the live I'm able to live thus far. It's hard, but going OK. I need my family so much, they are so helpful, I coudn't do it with out them.

My 4 wheeled walker...on the showroom floor :)Pretty snazzy.

2nd week of chemo. This is 4 weeks old already. whoops.I'm behind.

Our Monday's at Shari's before chemo.

Asa looks forward to it, it's our little time alone and I can get prepared for chemo.

Thank you for your prayers and support . I love you all so much and appreciate you so much. A special thank you to Kim H. THANK YOU FOR THE COOL T's! They are so perfect and i love them. You are so sweet for thinking of the 3 of us. Continue to pray for me and my family. It is hard on all of us and my family works so hard with Asa and taking care of our household. it really takes so many. Thank you Grama for watching the children. It is such a help and you are such a blessing. Thank you to my friends and family that bring food and goodies. (and presents for Asa, Carol). It helps so much and we are so appreciative.

I'm tired, and shouldn't be on this thing, but I wanted to touch bases with all of you. I care for you all so much and thank you for caring for us.