La Vida Loca de la Familia Gonzalez

This and that

2009-10-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

My fingers hurt to type, so I;m just using my index fingers...bear with this post :) Again, I want to thank you all whoprayed for me on Sunday evening. I felt great after the Healers were here. I feel at peace and ready to take on this new treatment. I'm so thankful for you all who support me and pray for me.

I have some cute pics from the last couple of weeks.

Asa and Josh playing with a mini foos ball table. He spent $10. of his birthday money on it and said that "I made a good decision on this toy Mum..daddy and I can both play it and I still have $210.00 left for later". The face on Asa just makes me smile.
speaks for itself

How I love this baby girl of ours. The pumpkin in the backround is one from our garden. Asa moves it from place to place. He is proud of it.

Asa on his first day of Hebrew school last week.

"bye mum, see ya when I get back!"

What happened to my baby boy? I want to remember EVERYTHING he and Vali have ever said or done. They grow up too fast and I feel that I missed all summer on keeping up with Asa and Vali.

Flu on Wednesday. He threw up 5 times on Wednesday and couldnt' keep down anyti=hing. Even popsicles. He won't eat them now. He shudders. Poor thing..

Asa a nd Papa picking the 10 apples on our tree that Papa planted in May. It is such a little tree but pruduced lots of apples. We counted 35 in August, but some fell off or had worms, but the ones he picked are perfect. I loved watching them together. Joshua got some great pictures AND he videotaped at the same time.

Fall is here

2009-10-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

We had nice weather the last couple of week...no rain, but chilly. Now the rain is here for at least 2 weeks. Ug. That is putting a damper on my bi-polar. I'm crying one minute and feeling OK the next. I told mom today that I haven't felt "happy" in a long time. I'm either OK, or not. The kids make me laugh and I feel content at times, but not happy. I wish that I could be doctor/treatment free for a few weeks or a month so we could go somewhere for a weekend. I think our whole family needs it. It's been intense for all of us. Asa has really been grasping on to his umm umm lately, so I guess we are all a bit anxious and ready for some fun. Friday we will know more after we talk to the oncologist and see what the next course of action. I'm tired of fighting, but this cancer isn't gone yet and I have to get rid of it, I'm just so tired and hoping that my body and emotional state can handle it. Just some side effect that could be too hard on me to keep the same treatment.

My nails are lifting from my cuticles and I may lose some of them, toe nails and fingernails both.
I have sores in my mouth that hurt.
My feet look like dinosaur feet, scaley, red and skin is peeling off. I look like a molting snake.
I have brown spots all over face.
I shake constantly and can keep it under control by taking yet another medication that give me a whole new set of side effects.....but you have see what is worse, and shaking is worse.
My feet are numb from the ankles down and they feels like they are in ice buckets.
I ache all over my body and the pain sucks from the chemotherapy.
My skin is very sensitive, it actually hurts to put lotion on my body and my face. I have to use my fingertips. It feels like a sunburn all over my body.
I sweat off and on at all times.
Constipation/diarrhea- depends and it sucks whichever because either way, it's painful.
Nausea nausea nausea go away
I thought that losing my hair would be horrible and the worse thing possible before I lost it. It's the least of my problems.

I know that many of you have or are going through these same things, and my heart goes out to you. If you are family of a cancer patient, my heart goes out to you as well. I can't even try to understand how my family copes with this but I'm grateful that we have our heavenly God. I sing praises to him and have complete faith and believe, but we have our down times and have to leave it with God for a while and then pray constantly and thank Him for our miracles too. I don't want to complain, I'm grateful, but it's still cancer and still chemotherapy and nothing about it is good. NOTHING, it's horrible.

I love and appreciate all of my blogger family and continue to thank you for your prayers, donations, good thoughts and energy sent my way and your love and time.

Asa started his first day of Hebrew School this evening. Joshua went with him. Asa was happy to be going and meeting new friends and just plain learning something different. I cried as they drove off. This is his only school he has been to. Hebrew school is one night a week and he will be learing about the new testament and learning to speak Hebrew. I can't wait to hear about is time there.

Here are some pictures from the week. They make me smile :)

Asa got enough birthday money from so many generous friends and relative that is is able to start up his own savings account. he bought this soccer foos ball table and told me that "he had made a good decision on the game and that we could all play it together and he would still have over $110." I agreed.

Josh said that this picture made his day. just hangin' in front of the woodstove and very cozy.

my pride and joy. I love her so much. This is a great smile. Eating ice cream

eating ICE CREAM, sissy style and size. LOL

we still have some fun times and tire ourselves out. I love my family and my sister is so wonderful and amazing. She takes care for Asa and both the kids and is great with them. I appreciate you Sissy and thank you for all that you do for me. I love you so much and will know and love you for the rest of my life.

I love my God and my family.

Just a couple of days

2009-10-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

Just some pictures and comments from the past few days. I'm the best I've been in over a week and plan on getting some fun shopping done, Big Lots!

The night before Asa's birthday, me doubled up with nausea and having a 5 year old "help" decorating the most difficult cake I've ever tried to attempt. We colored the chocolate frosting black to resemble a soccer ball. Asa had to sample. The cake was so ugly and bad, I ordered from a bakery the next morning. Thank you Sissy and Mom for all your help that day. Taking care of everything while I slept until the party started. I apprecate you so much.

The best picture of Asa's 5 party. This is so him. He loves chocolate so much and doesn't get it too horribly much, but it always ends up around his lips...... ALWAYS!

At chemo a couple of weeks ago. Josh enjoys documenting and taking pictures. We laugh when the camera comes out. This is Mom's "best" side.

My best side. YUCK! I'm wearing down really quickly.... I'm so tired and just tired of feeling like I am chemotherapy constantly every minute of every day. This was a really bad day.

Asa's pumpkin he grew in his garden. He is very proud.

Yesterday at Shari's before treatment. I never want to go and everything there is gross. But when Asa realizes it's treatment day, he is up so fast to get ready it just melts my heart. He does the picture search on his placemat EVERY MONDAY and pretends he can't find the pictures. He has been doing this same puzzle since June :) This picture is funny because it looks like all the other's Shari's pictures

I wrote the following before the above pictures and post.

I have had a hell of a 2 weeks. I want to keep this from being a cancer post, but..... can't. I am feeling so much better after treatment, and am so thankful. I have decided to cut my chemo down by another 10% as I didn't think I'd be able to physcially or mentally complete it with the higher dose. The last 2 weeks have been horrible.

I appreciate all of you and think of you all praying and thinking of me. I REMEMBER THIS THROUGHOUT MY DAY! Thank you and I am thinking of you all.

What a Wonderful Day!

2009-08-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was chemo and I felt great afterward..it took over 5 hours, labs took long and chemo took longer than usual, so it was an all day deal. Sissy went with me and I enjoyed our time together. She was a great substitute for mom. Mom got sick, probably from Asa being sick the last 3 days. He had a fever of about 100 degrees steady for 3 days. Josh kept us apart. "Asa you sit here, Trina, you sit here". If we would get arms length, we were in trouble. It was very hard to stay away from my baby when he was sick, but I had to. Josh told me I wouldn't be much good laying in the hospital not able to see Asa at ALL if that happened. Oh, to listen to reason. Today we have had a great day, Asa is well and I'm well. I did laundry, cleaned up a bit, went grocery shopping (first time in 2 weeks) and I'm even making taco salad and greek pasta salad for dinner. No pills for me today either.

I'm so thankful to God you guys. I can't even explain how wonderful I am doing. Last week was rough, but the nausea was kept at bay. My inlaws were here for 10 days (in a hotel) but spent a lot of time with Asa which was nice. I still felt I needed to "entertain" ie. stay up on the couch, not lay in bed so much, so my body was exhausted. we'll see how I feel tomorrow, but just so PLEASED that today was my best day since starting chemo. It's the first full day I've watched Asa since chemo. I even took care of paperwork and bills. what a wonderful day :) I had to share with all of you that care and love me. It's pretty exciting.

Mom in law, Asa and I were eating lunch last week. Asa was yawning and yawning, then he snapped at me and got kind of grumpy. A couple of minutes later I said "I think somebody is tired". He continued eating and said "are you tired Mum?" no I said. "Is grandma tired?" no she said. He threw his hands on his chest and said "well, I'M not tired....so who you talking about?" It was pretty cute. He has been saying the funniest things lately and just growing up so fast. His personality is changing and he has been quite the jokester. It just started to rain just now and Asa stopped what he was doing. "Mum, it's raining! We have to pull in my soccer goal from the yard and make sure we pick the vegetables that are ripe before they get too full of water! Hurry!" I was running out of the house, going to do what he said and he said just a minute I have to put my flip flops on. I was in the middle of telling him to put his tennis shoes on, since the grass was wet...he was gone, so I let it go, figuring his feel will get wet. I try not to sweat the small stuff even though I'm a bit OCD. I was outside and here he comes, just underwear and his rain boots. He was in SAVE THE VEGETABLES mode and looked like he was running into a burning building to save kittens or something. I love being a mom and I love the little things that make me smile. I wish I could remember all of them, but there are so many new ones.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support and love. I feel it around me all the time and I haven't been reading blogs as much. I don't normally have energy to check email or get on line, every4 or 5 days or so....and when I have energy I spend time with the family or sit outside on my kick ass hammock. I do ask Sissy and Mom for updates on many of you and she keeps me updated. I care for all of you and appreciate all that you do for me. Thank you :)

Mom's been doing more blogging so you can check her out http://beyasblog.blogspot.com/

Shake N Bake!

Tuesday is a good day

2009-07-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

Again, forgive the spelling. My hands tremble and my speeling is horrible, but I'm trying here peeps. I had my 3rd cycle of round 2 of chemo yesterday. I went in feeling pretty shitty, nauseated and pained, but afteward, I felt much better and came home. I didn't even nap, I stayed up until around 10, Asa went to bed late watching Storm Trackers with Josh and I ate an ate. I had kept NOTHING down on Sunday and was so hungry. I felt like I was binge eating. Josh would check on my in the bedroom and I was eating something different every time. Delicious. I have Monday off, and the last time I had a week off I felt horrible. Dr told me that if I'm feeling REALLY bad, I can go in for some fluid IV with a dash of steroid and anti nausea to get me though the week. That made me so appy. This weekend is my favorite holiday. Oregon Brewfest. I won't be agle to bo, and I'm dissap0inted. This makes me sad, and I don't know why. Oh well....maybe next year.

Asa and I hangin watching the boob tube.
Me. ready to hit the road on some errands. Errands now consist of pharmacy and lunch. By the time I'm done, I have to sleep for 2 hours to recover.

My wig that the boys picked out. they love it when I try it on. I don't. I don't think I'lle ver wear it. Josh LOVES it though, you should see hus face when he sees me wearing it. I suprise him sometimes. That's it, it comes right off. It is cute, but needs the bangs trimmed a bit.

Shari's 2 weeks ago. I'm really sick of shari's. The lats time we went I had cottage cheese and that almost came up. Asa just lookeds forward to chemo day because we go go shari's and he gets cheese sticks and french fries at 8am.

At treatment. Mom keeping track of my drugs and times in my journal (thanks mandy).

Eating a nutri grain bar. I'm always hungry. I have lost 12 lbs since starting chemo. I don't know how, It seems like I eat all the time.

Asa NEVER colors. He skips over the coloring parts in puzzle and school books. One afternoon, jOsh showed this to me. Asa had done it on his own. I thought josh had helped and josh thought that Ihad helped. I asked Asa, how did ou fiture outohow to do that colors? he showed me the graphon the top and said, see? the number shows the color? I' very proud of him.

asa was dancing on the 4th of july

Cant' tell if this is a "love you tt" shot or a "NOOOOOO" shot.

Asa was sitting on the ghetto garbage we had in the back yard

and then is busted on him

Sissy and I comparing pedicures. I won.

the girls just hanging watching the kiddos doing the little firecrackers

Mi papa :)

I feel bad that i can't post very often. I think of all of you and have Sissy keep me updated on your blogging to see how all ofyou are. I can feel all the love and the prayers so close to me. They are an inspiration to me. I'm hanging in there, having good and bad moments, but life is gettin to have a schedule agagin and I am trying ot to let this cancer dictate my entire life. It is hard, but i still have bills to pay and calls to make and decisions to decide upon. I feel stronger mentally and spriritually every day. Physically I feel weak. I HATE FEELIN WEAK in body. Pray that I am strong. I' callin in today for my tumor marker. I hope its LOW!

Love you all

SHAKE N BAKE!

whew

2009-07-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

I'm very tired, but wanted to update on some pictures from the lats couple of weeks. Excuse the spelling, I'm very tired. These pictures are backwards, so these first ones are more current then the following ones.

I'm doig well. I have miracles to report. My tumor marker is down from 805 to 625, I do not have the mutated gene and my insurance company is paying for my anti nausea patches that are SO expensive. THANK YOU GOD! I am tons better than last week. Last week was pure hell and I was not well. I was angry and crying. The nausea and paid were terrible. Mom and I have gotten me on a pretty good cocktail going on, so we are going to stay with it for a while.

Asa fell asleep with me and had his cute little hand on my back. Mom got the photo op.

Asa watering the garden. He is so helpful and I love him so much.

My worse day so far, last Tuesday. It was hell.

Trying to stay strong. It was a rough one. Thanks for the kick ass head wear Gmom. I love them.

whoops, didn't fix the picture. 2 Sundays ago, Asa and Josh went to a Timbers game again. I cried that I couldnt' go, but they had fun anyway. Asa had gotten a free ticket, along with a PGE Park tour. I love my boys.

If I'm not up eating or sitting up, I'm usually in bed. Chemo sucks so bad.

The day Papa, Joshua and Asa shaved my head...2 weeks ago maybe? It felt great to get all that gross hair off my head.

Mullet shot for Holly. SO SICK!

GORGEOUS!

He's getting so big. He is so brave. He understands that I need my rest and is being so brave. I am missing out on so many things with him, but I have to be brave too. I was ablet to go to his soccer game tonight. He scored a goal. I'm so thankful to God for letting me live the live I'm able to live thus far. It's hard, but going OK. I need my family so much, they are so helpful, I coudn't do it with out them.

My 4 wheeled walker...on the showroom floor :)Pretty snazzy.

2nd week of chemo. This is 4 weeks old already. whoops.I'm behind.

Our Monday's at Shari's before chemo.

Asa looks forward to it, it's our little time alone and I can get prepared for chemo.

Thank you for your prayers and support . I love you all so much and appreciate you so much. A special thank you to Kim H. THANK YOU FOR THE COOL T's! They are so perfect and i love them. You are so sweet for thinking of the 3 of us. Continue to pray for me and my family. It is hard on all of us and my family works so hard with Asa and taking care of our household. it really takes so many. Thank you Grama for watching the children. It is such a help and you are such a blessing. Thank you to my friends and family that bring food and goodies. (and presents for Asa, Carol). It helps so much and we are so appreciative.

I'm tired, and shouldn't be on this thing, but I wanted to touch bases with all of you. I care for you all so much and thank you for caring for us.

I'm so thankful for all of you.

2009-06-23T23:31:00.000-07:00

The last 2 weeks have gone by so fast. I try to get in as many things on a good 2 days, and then I'm on the lam for the next 5.

I have so much to report, but I've been up way too late with my boys tonight. We had a great night together and Asa stayed awake until he feel asleep in my arms in the couch. Asa said that he was proud of me. I asked him why? he answered "you haven't been grumpy once since you started chemo, I'm proud of you, you are doing a great job". I have such a sweet son and an even greater husband. My mom in a rock and she is such a great care taker. Sissy consistently amazes me a my child's care giver/mom/Sissy. She does it every day, no complaining and happy to do it. I WOULD watch both the children if I had to, but I don't ever want to. I could never compare and she is great with them. She is a true talent when taking care of our children. They love her so much. I appreciate you sissy. I love you so much. My poor mother has gone to every appointment with me and helped me, held my hand while walking, getting my walker out so I can shop (on Tuesdays) and cares for me day and night. Even on her nights off (when josh is home with me) she still comes over, picks up Asa so I can sleep more in the mornings and just continues on. Never complaining. I have the best family and am blessed to have them. I thank God for them many times a day. Even though this mother fucking cancer has a brief hold on us for the time being, it's bringing us even closer and stronger as a unit. We all need each other.

I have so many stories and update of appointments and pictures to post, but I wanted to give you an insight as to my emotion at the moment. I'm OK, I'm fighting like Cotto, I'm done with 3 rounds of chemo. I have Monday off, Josh and I are talking about taking Asa to the Seattle Aquarium if I'm feeling up to it. Not sure yet.

You have all been on my mind and have felt bad not posting in such a long while. I will get my butt in gear tomorrow with updates galore and a few new pics. Love you all and pray that I get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow night the pain starts up in the spine from the chemo and the next 3 days are the hardest. I'm prepared for it now, and ready to fight it until it's DEAD! I am stronger than this monster. Oh, my hair is falling out. We were supposed to shave it tonight, but mom forgot the clippers, so tomorrow it will be. I will feel empowered and sad at the same time, but it's showing that the chemo is working. Asa told me last night "Mum, it's time to shave your head, your hair is getting to be a nuisance".

I have gotten so many beautiful gifts in the mail along with greeting cards and I'm sorry I've been slow on my thank yous. I am looking forward to writing to you all personally tomorrow. Thank you so much for your love. I feel it in every card and gift and email that I get.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers and support. I'll talk to you tomorrow again.

Tired, yet again.

2009-06-17T05:16:00.001-07:00

I had a much better day yesterday than one week ago. Medication changes have helped me sleep and relieve the pain.

Cancer has metastasized into my vertebrae which was a shock to me. Dr. called us Friday evening to let us know the results of the MRI done early in the afternoon. We saw him Monday and we are staying on course with the same chemo and I'm feeling hopeful. Scared, but hopeful. I'm calling the office today to see when my brain scan and additional bone scan will be done this week.

I'm exhausted. I had a great day yesterday, but didn't rest enough. I have slept 4 hours and I'm drained. I'm already tired of having cancer and to know that it's moving around is sickening to me.

I had a great friend some over and she was so sweet to bring our family food for dinner. We visited (maybe too long Carol...I was tired when you left, but you always make me laugh) I didn't want you to go. I love my visitors so come on over! I can't wait to see you again. I love my gift and haven't' taken it off. It's on like glue and I think of you when I see it.

Nichole Rae.....you commented on my blog but I have no idea how to get a hold of you. I cried and cried when I read it. I think of you everyday....EVERYDAY and need to talk to you so badly. I miss you and love you. You can email me at trina dot gonzalez at hotmail dot com. I have so much to say to you and just want you to know that you mean so much to me. I have missed you for a very long time. What is your email?

My head is aching and I'm so sleepy, but I can't sleep. I just got up and read every pathology report of mine since the beginning of this hell. I realized last night I am going to have to live with this for the rest of my life. I will never know if it's completely gone, or when it will be back. I don't feel much like a fighter right at the moment. I'm living with cancer...that's what Mom says breast cancer is stated now a days. I don't want to live with cancer. I want to live without it.

Sig is having a node removed today so keep her in your prayers. She has been a big help to us and our family during this trip to hell. She's been on the road there too.

I got a wig. It's OK for a wig. I feel like a movie star in it with my Kate Spade sunglasses. I will look incognito going in for treatments. Like a movie star. (I'm losing it peeps, having delusions) My boys LOVE it and are not so scared for me to lose my hair, since they like the wig better than my NEW haircut. Stinkers. Asa keeps reminding me not to forget to cut my hair so it doesn't make a mess when it starts falling out. He hears EVERYTHING! Except when he's watching soccer and he can't hear me when I'm talking to him in his face. He answers back to me "words words words....stop talking....I can't hear my TV show!". I'm not sure if he's turning 5 in September of 15.

He has loved me being home, even if I am sick and in bed. He likes it when we are together. He hasn't liked all the appointments and tests that take me away from home. He has been great and very patient with me. He mainly talks to me about cancer when we are getting ready for bed. Then he brings up questions he must have after listening to our family talk. We always invite into the conversation so he knows that he can talk about it with us. When he has a questions that makes him feel uneasy, he asks if he can whisper in my ear. If the answer takes too long or it bores him he replies "poopy diaper pants" and leaves me immediately. He either got the idea, or he'll ask again later.

Mandy...thank you thank you. You are such a dear friend. I love them both, especially my journal. It is my medication, chemo and side effect record book. I needed one. and it's gorgeous. I'm mail you something soon. Love you :)

I'm feeling queasy today and very unstable mental wise. Lack of sleep. Head ache, but no back pain. One side effect of one of the chemo's is feet and hand numbness. It comes and goes. It literally feels like feet have been sitting in an ice water bath for hours. Soft sock help (thanks Sig) but then the sweats kick in soon after. I'm a complainer today...I'm giving me a day of feeling sorry for myself. I deserve it. Tomorrow is another day.

I have genetic testing today, to test for the "mutated" gene that causes cancer. We'll see what comes of that. Kind of late now...I've had cancer twice in my life before age 40. I'm saying it's positive.

Grama is having the children today and if I feel well enough after genetic testing, Sissy will meet mom and I for lunch. Thank you Grama for helping with the kids. I love you.

Many of you have asked what you can do or send to me. I have a REQUEST! My bible is getting more and more full of scriptures, but I have NO BOOKMARKS! I mentioned it to mom and she said that there are a lot of you that would probably like to do that for me. No pressure, just something small that I need and I would love some from my cyber family. It would also remind me of your constant thoughts and prayers for me. I keep all cards that I have gotten from so many of you with me at my bed side table. I just shake my head and smile when I look at the piles. I am blessed....but still feeling sorry for myself today :) I also love travel/tourist magazines (free ones in touristy towns) I could look at those for hours as they are an easy read and I dream of traveling all over the US SOMEDAY. DREAM. Those books help me along in my dream. So many of you don't live near me and I think it would be cool to see where some of you like to vacation and travel too. Thank you all.

Disneyland seems so far away. I have 17 more treatments to go. Less God willing. I need to magazine travel until that time :) I barely have energy to to to treatment and the store for 45 minutes...and not on the same day. Too MUCH.

I have some more pictures to post...just not much energy (have I mentioned I don't have much energy?) I have some chemo induced photos of my hot self. I'm sure you won't want to miss those.

I love you guys and love your prayers and tomorrow is another day. If some of you comment, let me know of a miracle you have had today. I am so blessed and do feel my miracles, but this whole vertebrae stuff has me in the dumps. I need some stories peeps. Positive ones.

I'm tired. I'm going to try to get another hour of sleep. This has helped my fear somewhat, so thank you for that.

Good luck Sig.....Cheers to the strong, the bald and the port-full. Eat up that cheeseburger girl.

Chemo Day in Pictures...and Miracles!

2009-06-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get this post up since yesterday. I'm going to make it quick. I'm feeling pretty good, THANK GOD! Thank you for your prayers. I have very little nausea, as long as I take my anti nausea medication. My pain in my back and headaches are pretty severe, and the narcotics just make me sick to my stomach, so that has been a drag. Dr. is giving me some better pain meds. Mom is on her way to pick them up for me as we speak and hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. I'm doing much better than I anticipated and that is a miracle. I'm so TIRED! But I can deal with that. No VOMITING! YEAH! I should be feeling a bit better by tomorrow and will hopefully have a pain free weekend and then we start over on Monday. Here are some pics from Monday.

Monday morning we were ready early and our little family of 3 went to Shari's for breakfast. It's only 1 block a away. As I as getting nervous for chemo, Joshua kept showing this picture of Asa to me to make me smile.

Me waiting for my port to get flushed and all ready for chemo.

Mom teased that this was my "vomit" bin.

My fresh toes. They make me smile. I hadn't had a pedicure in probably a year.

my port getting prepped. Josh was taking tons of pictures.

They rubbed this really stinky antibiotic all over my neck before accessing my port. It was so strong I was coughing.

My port is accessed and we are at the doctors office waiting to see my oncologist.

My oncologist.

OK, it's about to happen. Ready for my pre meds.

chillin'

view from my corner office....the window is nice too :)

I just love my husband.

6 hours later...no joke.

The Benedryl made me so tired.

Looking a little bit haggard. Almost done, and I was snacking on snacks that Sissy had packed along. Thank you Sissy. I love you.

THANKS GMOM! I got my package today and I'm so excited! Thank you, they are perfect and beautiful. You are an angel.

Love you all and continue to pray that I will be able to sleep tonight. Last night was really rough. I'm doing great though and it's a miracle.

Oh boy....

2009-06-07T17:34:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow I start my chemotherapy. I'm anxious, scared, nervous and relieved all at the same time. I will finally know how my body will react to the "poison". It is a horrible unknown. Actually, I remember it vividly how it was 16 years ago, but have hope that it will be better this time around.

I had my lumpectomy on Monday. It went good. It was a rough recovery, nearly 3 hours in post-op, but Joshua was there to make me laugh. The nurse asked him "are you always this patient?" Josh answered "no, but for her I am". The pre-op nurse was the same one that I had for my D & C and she remembered me and gave me a big hug and a kiss. She was so sympathetic towards me and was a real blessing to me both days. As I was waking up from the surgery, I vaguely heard the OR nurse telling me how I had a beautiful purple tube top on with purple flowers and how I looked hot. I am confined to wearing a tube top for the next 2 weeks. A sports bra would go right over the incision so I get to look "hot" in my purple tube top. I am recovering nicely. Friday I had my post op appointment with a nurse and she was amazed at how well my incision looked. No swelling and no bruising. It is a miracle.

We have been couch potato's all weekend and have watched more soccer than should ever be allowed. Asa and I have had very heated debates on our teams and he has become a trash talker. He apparently learned this from Sissy. Today I did get off the couch and Sissy picked me up and we went and had a pedicure. I can't remember the last time I had a pedicure. It was kick ass. Then we went next door to Baskin Robbins and had ice cream. I'm not an ice cream lover, but I enjoyed my Rocky Road very much.

I haven't cried in 24 hours. I feel like today is the end of something. Tomorrow I start my chemo and my life will be changed forever. I am very mellow and feel like I am a boxer, having the fight of my life tomorrow. I have to be focused and prepared. I'm sick to my stomach and very afraid. I know that God will not forsake me and has not forsaken me, but this battle seems very much on my shoulders and my shoulders only. Tomorrow will be a struggle for me, but I am ready for it.

I am taking all of the greeting cards that have been sent to me, and bringing them with me to treatment tomorrow. They all make me smile and I will need that tomorrow.

I can't help but think of my unborn child tomorrow. If it wasn't for this chemotherapy, I would still be pregnant. I miss my baby so much and still have moments where I think I'm still pregnant. I think of it many times a day and tomorrow it will be a constant. I pray that someday a miracle will happen where both Sissy and I can be pregnant someday. And I hope.

Another miracle...I sent out another 10 thank you cards today :) Thank you all for your prayers and support. I love you all.

Soccer fun

2009-06-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

My pictures got all messed up and out of order and I don't know how to fix them, so I'm just winging it and you are going to get out of order pictures.

Last Sunday, we were able to take Asa to his first soccer game in Portland. It's a USL (united soccer league) team, called the Portland Timbers. They will be a MSL (major league soccer) in 2 years. We are very excited about that. An Angel from L.A. gave us the opportunity to go, and we had a great time! Josh and I talked about it in bed later and said that it was the best family fun we have every had together. We didn't have any worries, the weather was in the 80's and one of our favorite teams, Club America was playing the Timbers. Asa wore his Club America uniform and looked adorable. Asa was a bit nervous for about 10 minutes. It was loud, hot and noisy. Once the first goal was scored, he was standing and clapping and didn't' take his eyes off the game, until he got a snow cone in the 2nd half. After he finished that, he resumed watching the game. It was a treat and we LOVED IT!

Asa eating cotton candy. I tried so many times to get a good picture of him, but I never could. I gave the camera to Josh to have him get a better picture.....

...nope, he didn't get a good picture either. He shoveled cotton candy in his mouth like a real trooper.

Me, sportin' my new haircut. I love it...they boys do not. The place looks empty, but we were there 45 minutes early and once the game started it was PACKED!

Club America practicing.

I was walking back from the restroom and thought this was so cute of the boys from behind.

I love these 2 so much. They make me laugh constantly.

Go TIMBERS! Or CLUB AMERICA!

Asa and I planting after we got some plants at a plant sale. Asa planted them and watered them. I am proud of him. He has watered them every night (that it hasn't rained) and really taken care of them. We love our little garden. It makes me very happy.

LOL, Valentina.....angry. Beya took this picture and she wanted Beya to hold her, but Beya was too tired, so Valentina put on a show. Beya ended up holding her. I like to have Vali happy, but she is so funny when she gets so mad. She just changes from her sweet adorable self to something very scary. Notice the tan lines in the inside of her elbows. She has such a pretty color and getting so tanned. My dad jokes that the warm wind just has to blow to get her brown.

Josh and Asa FINALLY relaxing in the hammock. It takes some skill and a bit of practice (right Holly?) to get into my hammock. I have it down pat. I throw tons of pillows on it and it is heaven.

This is them trying to get in it...together. Asa said "that was a near wipeout Mum"!

LOL

getting off the hammock takes practice too.

Asa was just looking at one of his magazines in his room and I was doing some cleaning up in his room. He asked me what "inspiration" meant. I thought for a minute. I said "you know, when you see an airplane and you want to run inside and draw one? or when you see a soccer player score a goal and you want to score a goal too? Those things inspire you". He walked over to me with his Puzzle Buzz magazine, held up a picture of frosted donuts and said "these donuts are inspiring me to eat some donuts".

I'm going to watch a video with my husband and hopefully stay awake longer than 15 minutes. It's the same movie we attempted to watch last night...but I fell asleep...15 minutes into it. At this rate it's going to take me all week to finish it.

Shake N BAKE!

TGIF!

2009-05-29T08:32:00.001-07:00

It's been a good week. I've felt good and the weather has been GREAT! It helps to be outside.

I found out yesterday that I have breast cancer for the 2nd time. The metastasized liver cancer is from a NEW cancer in my breast. I was cured from my last cancer 16 years ago, and this is NEW! Josh said it's like getting hit by lighting twice. My oncologist seemed please that it all makes sense now and says that I'm very unique. A different breast cancer twice in my lifetime. And I was/am so young to have breast cancer. I am having a lumpectomy on Monday morning, that will give me all week to recover and start chemotherapy on June 8.

I have had so many miracles happen for me in the last week. I sat down 2 nights ago and sent out numerous thank you cards. Each and every one was for a miracle. To all that donated their talents and gifts to the "1 in 8" cause, I thank you so much. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you for caring and your support.

Josh was talking about a girl at his work that is always cursing. He was saying "she always drops the F-bomb and the S-bomb" Asa was listening, and said "and then she drops a torpedo?".

When ever I leave for a doctors appointment, Asa kisses me and tells me "hope you feel better Mum!". Right now I am scared for chemo, but want to know how it's going to affect me. However, I'm worried the most about Asa. How is he going to react to me with no hair. I probably shouldn't worry about it, but it is worry some to me.

I'm short on words today, I want to get outside and enjoy my day, so I'm cutting this short. Thank you everyone for your prayers, emails, support and love :)

Shake N BAKE!!!!!!!

Some "family members" got together and sent me this GORGEOUS hammock. It was a huge surprise. They wanted me to have a peaceful place to lay this summer while in treatment. I'm so amazed at the love and thought. Thank you girls!

Asa and I in my new haircut. I cut it shorter, so it will be less of a mess when it starts falling out.

Last weekend sometime. We call this a Mexi-ghetto slip and slide. The kids loved it. My dad filled it with warm water and they would slip and fall and giggle and giggle. Valentina was much more daring than Asa. She is fearless. She fills out a swimsuit so CUTE!

They started with a bucket of water, and then Asa slowly started spilling the water for the slip and slide.

Joshua and I, pre haircut.

Unreal!

2009-05-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

I wish I could personally thank EVERYONE who has donated, prayed and spent time working on the raffle. It was a HUGE success and I'm shocked. It is a miracle. Thank you to all my friends. I can't believe the support that I haven't gotten from "friends" that I have never met or talked to. It's a miracle and I'm so happy. Life is really good :)

I also had another miracle happen last night. Joshua has been wanting to work days at his full time job for quite some time now and has asked on numerous occasions and there has never been a position open. Late last night, his boss called and offered him day shift. Joshua will not be a supervisor at his new position, and he won't get his boss pay but I think he will be able to work his way up like he did on night shift. HE'S GOING TO BE WITH ME IN THE EVENINGS AND THROUGH THE NIGHT! YEA! I can't believe that either. He works days at his part time job so the sleep transition won't be an issue anymore either! YEA! What a great night last night! I am so blessed! And I even have CANCER!

I only cried a couple of times yesterday. Pretty good for me. I cried after my surgeon called me and told me I had a new breast cancer. That was the result of the biopsy from Friday. I pretty much thought that, but it's harder to hear it's true. My surgeon also assured me that it was so important to have the D & C and he knows it was so horrible for me, but it's already been a benefit to me. We still don't know the full pathology report, so we don't what type of cancer it is, or how it will be treated. I'm OK though. Chemo is going to be hard, but this waiting business is harder. I just want to start getting rid of this cancer.

I love you guys and thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, thank you thank you. I appreciate each and every one of you so much. I have so much help and support to get me through this, that it's been pretty hard to feel sorry for myself the last couple of days. So THANK YOU!

Yesterday, on the way home from Sissy's BBQ. Asa was scared and stiff as a board on the motorcycle.

my soccer pro. How adorable are his knee socks? VERY ADORABLE!

The LOVE OF MY LIFE and my greatest cheerleader and support. I love him so much. I'm a lucky wife :) And he's a lucky husband :)

Papa came over and joined in on the soccer fun. I just sat at the sidelines and gave Asa hi-5's as he would run by after a goal.

Asa's soccer action figures.

Asa eating a healthy breakfast of corn dog and Popsicle. Not in that order. And shirtless.

Josh wanted to make sure that I posted this picture of me. It was the morning after my port "install" and he told me I looked beautiful sitting there. I'm bringing sexy back for sure. I love my son in the back round eating his healthy breakfast. I have cancer....and I'm not going to complain on what Joshua fixes us for our breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Sig sent me a book (many actually) and I have laughed and cried while reading them. One of the things that I have clung to is to play the cancer card as often as I can. I did it yesterday while shopping for a supportive sports bra to wear at night. I didn't' have one and it helped me tremendously last night with my pain. ANYWAY, I was in the ladies dressing room and I asked if Joshua could come in and help me put it on, that I was having difficulties putting it on. (I really was, my left arm pit still hurts from the biopsy and my port hurts when I rub any clothing along it). The lady said no men allowed. I said "I have cancer, have just had surgery and I'm having a hard time. I need my husband's help". She let him in :) SO, it's not so bad having cancer.

Asa at his end of spring season soccer. He is so grown up.

Better Moment

2009-05-20T19:46:00.001-07:00

I'm better this evening. Joshua and I spent the day running errands, getting groceries etc. Joshua picked up Asa in the early afternoon and Mom and Papa picked me up for my biopsy. I was scared, but it was OK. The mammogram after was actually worse. The "tumor" could be seen on the mammogram, but couldn't be seen last year. So very important ladies to get a mammogram yearly. I'm better emotionally tonight. I've spent a few hours with Asa and we named one of his soccer action figures "chemotherapy guy" because he's bald. Asa told me that chemotherapy guy's hair will grow in after treatment is over. LOL He's only 4, but oh so in tune what is going on around us. Emotions are running rampant over here at our house.

I'm very tired. I hope to have the pathology report tomorrow, no later than Friday. I'm praying that it is OK. If not, then that's OK too. See? I'm doing better! Being bi-polar is a breeze compared to this roller coaster of emotions.

I love my family and my husband and my son so much. I have a lot to live for.

Poor ME!

2009-05-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday sucked and today sucks too, although today I'm not crying. Joshua took me to lunch to have a cancer free day. We lasted about 15 minutes and started talking about it. I feel so ugly with my port. I'm not vain, but I just feel ugly and knowing I'm going to lose my hair just makes me sick to my stomach. I can imagine Asa's face when he sees me with my shaved head. I'm going to let him help me shave it, maybe it won't be so traumatizing, but I will still be. Josh has been good to me. He tells me my port looks sexy, like tattoos.....he tells me I look more beautiful that I did before I was his little cancer patient. He is devastated and wants to be with me so badly. He says that work just makes him want to scream, people with their idle chit chat and drama, that is NOT drama. He is strong for me. Asa has been breaking down every so often. Last night while I was laying in bed with him, he said that he was scared of me starting chemotherapy. I told him I was too. I told him it wouldn't last for long and he seemed happy with that answer. I just cry and cry...it won't stop.

Today I have my breast biopsy. I dread it, not because I think it's cancer, but it could mean a surgery, lumpectomy, more tests. I just want to get this treatment started. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT! but I have too.

Joshua and I enjoyed watching the Lost finale. For 2 hours we forgot about cancer. I guess we need to do that more often. I haven't' been watching a lot of TV, since I got to bed at 8pm and just want to lay and not move myself to the living room to watch TV. I'm having a hard time just living right now. Cancer is on all of our minds. IT SUCKS SO BAD!

I miss my Grandma so much. She was a source of strength for me and I don't have her anymore. I'm needing her and just pray that she is listening to me.

I'm having good moments and bad moments. I think the good moments are more than the bad, but it's a toss up. My lung hurts and my brain hurts from thinking thinking thinking. I know it will get better....I hope.

I'm glad that my family has faith and keep praying for me. It's hard for me to believe right now, but I do have an open heart and am grateful that my family is praying for me...and all of you too.

I wish I had a funny story to tell....but not today.

Another Day

2009-05-18T17:21:00.001-07:00

I had my Medi-port put in yesterday. I have been pretty upset in my stomach since yesterday and it's hard to keep food down. I haven't taken pain pills since 7:30 am and am feeling OK.

My doctor's office called today and the breast MRI from Friday showed a "spot" that needs to be biopsied on Wednesday. I am unable to start treatment tomorrow. I am relieved, but I just want to get started. I'm feeling in my heart that the spot is cancer. It's not worry some to me. It would kind of be nice to know where the live cancer came from and that would probably be the answer. If I have a tumor in my breast, I want a double mastectomy STAT! It grosses me out thinking that they could be growing cancer inside. I'm disgusted that I have cancer growing inside me period. It sucks.

I have just laying around today and kind of feeling sorry for myself. I think I'm entitled to. I'm doing better about the baby though. Now I'm thinking about me. I feel guilty about not spending enough time with Asa the last couple of weeks and I feel guilty about the baby and I feel guilty about my Mom and Sissy and Papa doing so much work for me. I just want to be able to be myself again. I sound like a broken record.

Asa told me something funny and sweet the other day. He just looked me in the eyes and said "Mum, I'm sorry that your baby isn't going to hatch from your vagina". I just looked at him serious back and said "me too". It was a sweet moment but I was laughing inside.

I'm tired and feeling a bit sick, so I'm keeping this short. Oh, Sissy and Valentina came over for most of the morning, and Mom and Papa spent the day here. Papa worked in my back yard and made it look immaculate and Mom worked inside and made the inside of my house look immaculate. She cooked and played with Asa and I'm sure she is exhausted tonight. I couldn't' be alone today after the surgery and Josh had to work, so I'm so glad for my familia :) It was nice to see Sissy and Valentina.

I got a special card and sweet gift from Heather D. today. Thank you. It made my day and made me smile. I have such great friends that I haven't ever met! I'm blessed.

Continue to pray and keep good thoughts. I have good moments and bad moments many times a day, but have comfort in the fact that I have such support and love.

GREAT DAY!

2009-05-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

My bone scans are CLEAN! NO CANCER IN MY BONES! What a relief. I feel so lucky to JUST have liver cancer! LOL For reals! Today is a great day. Thank you for your prayers. I have been thanking God over and over and over this afternoon into my evening. It won't stop :)

I had my breast MRI today and I'm positive that it will be good too. I can do this liver thing. I am positive and happy today. I went and bought 2 new outfits today. Clothes that I hadn't been pregnant in. It had helped, even before I knew the scans were clean. I know that sounds silly, but putting on new clothes gave me some energy and confidence that I needed. Josh hadn't seen me since this morning he had been sleeping and when he woke up he told me I looked so beautiful and my smile was genuine. He hadn't seen me so happy in 2 weeks. We had a long talk this morning after he got home from work. It was a true heart to heart and we both feel better. Josh said that the day we lost the baby, he had to believe in God and know that our baby was in heaven. It was a relief to me. He isn't spiritual, but this has changed his way of thinking. I just love my husband so much.

We had soccer practice tonight and it was Asa's end of season soccer party. I love him so much and I look at him and just want to cry. He saw my hospital band on my wrist and said "take it off mom, with scissors NOW!" He has told me that the last 3 times he has seen them on my wrist. He asked me last night why we weren't having the baby. I explained to him that I was too sick to have the baby, but the doctor took the baby and sent it to heaven. He was happy with that explanation, and I guess I was too. Our baby is in heaven.

I feel so hopeful you guys! I'm still scared, but am counting my blessings. Sunday is my surgery, but I'm excited to get that over with and start chemo. I want my 6 months to fly by. After 6 months of hell, I want to take the children to Disneyland!!!!! I have to have something dream for. Last time I got done with chemo, we went to Disneyland and how fitting to take the children after I get done with this round.

I'm a survivor and a warrior. (I'm chuckling at the warrior part....I hope I'm not like Coach on Survivor :)

Today is a good day and I'm hoping for an even better one tomorrow.

Keep praying and thinking good thoughts! It's working!

Hurting, Crying and So Sad

2009-05-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

I'm experiencing the worst time of my life. I can't shake the thought of cancer. It's with me constantly. I try really hard, but it's so heavy. I know I will fight it, but.....it's overwhelming.

I miss my baby so much. It's almost too much to bear. I can't stop thinking about that too. I have been talking with a grief counselor off and on today. I cry, then I'm OK, and I can't stop crying again. I'm exhausted.

I don't have the results from the bone scan. Probably not until tomorrow. I am having an MRI on my breasts sometime next week. After the biopsy, the cancer is no ER/PR receptive, as it was last time, so my chemo will be different. With that biopsy, it could mean that I have breast cancer in my breast somewhere now. My mind is just racing and I feel like I'm spinning so fast. I just want to sleep and sleep and wake up and not have this happening. I feel guilty for feeling like this. I am blessed to have a wonderful family, and other's have it much worse than me, but I'm devastated and so sad. I have never been this sad in my life. I'm so scared. I don't want to have to do chemo again. I said I never would after the last time. I have to for Asa. I have to, but I don't want to. I just want this to be a dream.

When I'm with my family, we try to keep it light, but it's on our mind. I miss my sister and our mindless chatter. I miss my life from 2 weeks ago. I miss my baby most of all. I miss worrying about it, wondering if I'm sleeping enough, drinking enough water, taking my pre-natals, wearing my pants too tight? Am I squishing the baby? It's gone now. My baby is GONE!

Sunday I am having my surgery to have my medi-port put in my chest. I didn't have one last time and I wished that I had. Chemo will be once a week for 6 months, so that will save a bit on my arm veins.

Candy, I'm wearing my kick ass shirt you sent me :) I feel powerful with it on.

Sig, thank you for your box of inspirational goodies. I cried going through the books, knowing that I will be needing them, wishing that I didn't.

My heart physically hurts. I have faith, love GOD, but am having a hard time coping with this all. Our lives have just been completely turned upside down and I'm so MAD ABOUT IT! I want things the way they were. I keep squeezing my eyes together hoping that this is a dream. I miss my old life. I didn't take it for granted, I thanked God for every minute of our health and our happiness and I can't believe this.

I just want it to be behind me already.

Soccer

2009-05-11T22:03:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow I am going to the hospital at 11am for my D & C. My heart will be broken for sure. I do feel peace and am hopeful though. I am really feeling all the postive energy and prayers that are being said for me. I am thankful for all of you :)

Here are some pictures from our Soccer Saturday. Our little superstar and our cheerleader!

"Does this make my butt look big?"

Asa was soccer "captain" Saturday and has his little leg badge to prove it.

Asa was talking to me and Joshua was snapping pictures. He's so sweet

How adorable is she?

Just look at his moves. The 2 kids from the red Dragons are shakin' in their boots.

The best Mother's Day gift ever. I wish you all could smell it :) The cake was delicous and I am so blessed.

Happy Mothers Day

2009-05-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

My post below was NOT positive and after writing it it did make me feel better. I cried and asked God to take my pain and fear and I am feeling much better :) I am having a great day and listening to my boys bake me a cake had me laughing the entire time. I was in the other room but heard everything. They are 2 peas in a pod! I am thankful for every day! I am blessed and am looking forward to our Mother's Day lunch today. I thank God for my doctors and my family and so glad that my cancer is treatable. I love life!

My Emotions are CRAZY!

2009-05-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

I have been busy the last week with tests and Dr. appointments, so the thought of cancer has been in my mind. But, the last 2 days it has been constant with fears of the worst. I am trying to stay strong but am crying too much. I'm writing this not really to post, but as a diary of my thoughts. Joshua thought it would be a good idea for me to document my feelings and hopefully feel better emotionally. This may not make sense since my mind is running. My mother in law told me to try to imagine my "fetus" as going to heaven and that God will hold it in His hand. My baby will be an angel and take care of Asa and us as we grow old. I'm kind of clinging to that fact as it's the only thing that is helping me right now. I'm so scared of treatment. Walking in the room where treatment is given brought back gross memories and the smells that made me sick. I'm dreading it.

I'm scared that the bone scan will come back positive and then I'm in real trouble. I'm honestly trying to think positive, but I'm so scared too. I'm tired of thinking and worrying. I can't quite bring myself to leave it with God yet. I leave everything else up to Him, but this is different. I can't explain it.

I want to live long so I can see Asa grow up and be a confident young man. I'm so scared. I don't want to die.

I miss my Grandmother being alive to pray for me.

Even though I have so many people praying and thinking of me, I have a great family support I still feel alone. I'm so scared. Josh is going back to work on Wednesday night and I'm dreading it. He has been so good for me and is the best caregiver. I love him so much.

I sit here writing and crying, but yet happy. I'm happy for my husband and my son, and my family. It's Mother's Day and I'm blessed to be a Mother. I'm laughing now thinking of how cute Asa and Josh must look, shopping at the grocery store for cake mix and home essentials. Asa was adamant that he make me a cake for Mother's Day. Josh is making sure I'm eating fruits and vegetables. He's shoving them down my throat feeding them to me. I'll be in the bedroom resting and here he comes, with a bowl of berries making me eat bites. Antioxidants he says...they are good for me.

I am feeling better now. I'm everywhere emotionally, and I'm getting closer to letting God take this for me. I know I have to, I guess I don't want to lose control, even though I'm pretty much out of control.

I'm posting this picture of Asa and I from when we were at the beach last month. This is the only picture I have of us where I think that we resemble each other. I love how he is clinging to me. He needs me.

Please continue to pray that my bone scan is clear and that I can just give this whole huge mess to God. I need some peace.

I love you all :)

Bad News

2009-05-09T09:39:00.001-07:00

I hate sounding like a Debbie Downer, which I'm really not, but I did get some bad news. After meeting with my oncologist yesterday, the consensus is that I must terminate the pregnancy. If I was a lot farther along it could be different, but since I am so early, there really is no other choice. I need a bone scan yet and then will start treatment as early as next week. Monday and Tuesday will be the worst days of my life to date. D & C is scheduled for Tuesday, perhaps as early as Monday. I am prepared, but so sad. I'm so sad. I'm glad that I have my perfect boy and Joshua is the best. I am so lucky to have my support of my family.

Last night I slept better than I have in weeks. I had the right pain pill and slept virtually pain free last night. Sleeping did a lot for me emotionally. I'm excited to start treatment. Since I had such a long remission from my cancer last time, nearly 17 years, they will probably use the same cocktail as before. I will be going once a week for chemo, for 3 months. Hopefully it will be in remission by then and then I will be on hormone therapy for the rest of my life.

Asa has a soccer game today at 1 and then Joshua and I are double dating with Sissy and Norm after. The weather is gorgeous today and we are having lunch al fresco and then to a movie. Star Trek. Sissy and I did not pick the movie :) Tomorrow is Mother's Day and we will all be having lunch together. I'm lucky to have my family. And lucky to have my cyber family too.

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts and I will continue to need them throughout my week next week as it will be one of the hardest of my life.

What A Ride

2009-05-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

A week ago I had started school, was loving it so much. I was thinking how fast the summer was going to go and final exams would be finished and then our baby would be born soon after. What a difference 1 day makes.

Sunday night I went to the emergency room after having some severe pains in my left shoulder, and have also had some pain when I breath. The Dr. was unable to do an X-Ray since I am pregnant, so a CT scan was done of my chest area. That showed some liver tumors and some enlarged lymph nodes. I was devastated. I knew I was going to die. Sunday was a pretty depressing day and I pretty much thought my world was going to end.

Monday I was on the phone early and was able to either see or talk to my doctors directly. They seemed optimistic after reading the CT report from the previous day. My whole family and I were also feeling optimistic. Tuesday, I had an MRI and that showed that it indeed was liver cancer, but not sure from where or what. I was prepared, but Mom and Sissy were not. They were sure I was healed, but after talking to my surgeon that afternoon, we found it it is treatable and I'm not going to die, so I am healed. Yesterday, I had a CT scan and ultra sound and after talking to the radiologist, it appears as if the cancer is from my breast cancer. That is good news, since it is easier to treat.

Today at 1pm I am having an ultra sound guided biopsy of my liver. I am feeling optimistic and just happy to be getting it done with. I won't know the results until Monday. I just want to start treatment ASAP so I can get this disgusting cancer out of my body. I have been in constant pain in my left side and the pain med's make my stomach even more upset, along with the morning sickness, so I'm just having to deal with it, but the pain gives me a constant reminder that I have growing cancerous tumors in my body.

I saw my OB yesterday and was able to hear the heartbeat of our 11 week old fetus. I was so scared of terminating the pregnancy if needed and it has weighed more on me than knowing I have cancer. After talking with my doctor and hearing the heartbeat, I am more prepared. Sounds weird I know, but I know that my life is the most important and I will know more after talking with the oncologist. It will truly be a miracle if we are able to keep the baby and that is my hope and prayer. I have my perfect Asa and I thank God every time I look at him.

I am doing OK, but have bouts of tearing up, which I think is pretty good. I am not looking forward to treatment, but want to get it over with.

I had to withdraw from school, but have hopes to start again when this is all over. I LOVED it!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I have read the comments from Sissy's blog over and over and they make me smile. I believe in the power of prayer and know that I am going to be OK. I have to be for my family.

I have liver cancer. Sissy and I giggle every time I say that. It's just so unbelievable to me, that it just sounds so absurd. It's like saying I'm the Queen of England.

I am so thankful for my family and my husband and my son. Joshua is always a source of comedic relief and Asa will give me a thumbs up every so often. Asa knows that I'm sick, but he has had to bear with me through a lot of illness before and to him, and to him this is no different than me having a migraine or morning sickness. I have a tough strong family.

Thank you again for all of your prayers and thoughts and I appreciate all of you very much. I love my cyber family :)

Easter time

2009-04-22T17:25:00.001-07:00

I'm late posting, I know. A lot has been happening, just not making the time to share it all. I am good, just not into blogging. I have taken a hiatus from FB as well, as I was spending WAY too much idle time on it and not getting anything else done in my "real" world.

I am starting school on Monday. I will be done in 9 months and getting a diploma in Medical billing/coding. I am a bit nervous, but happy to be doing something that will improve my life some with the expectation that I will be able to work from home part time eventually. Mom and Sissy will be baby sitting Asa while I'm in school from 8am-12pm.

Monday, Papa and Mama helped me install my raised garden bed. I'm so excited to be starting my very own garden. It took all day. The way my father and mother work just amazes me. I truly think my dad is a super hero. My dream someday is to make my entire yard into garden space and be sustainable on my own food and be able to sell it to our community. A garden co-op of sorts. But right now....I will have to rely on my 4' x 8' raised bed :)

Asa continues to amaze me with how wonderful he is. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a sweet boy. I really am lucky. Yesterday he told me that I need to continue to eat healthy, because when I eat healthy foods, the baby eats healthy foods. So sweet to me.

Oh, I'm pregnant too. I haven't wanted to get too excited about it since the miscarry, but I am 8 weeks and have had an ultra sound and all looks good so far. My due date is Dec. 2 and final exams are Nov. 23. Talk about close.

I stained my deck yesterday all by myself. I am pretty proud of myself. I still haven't gotten my kitchen cabinets done yet, but they are next on the list, as well as cleaning out the garage and getting the office turned into a baby room. We are cramped for space, but I'm looking forward to the challenge of making it all fit. It's kind of exciting :)

We went to the beach (pictures to be posted tonight or tomorrow) last week and it was heaven. The 8 of us went and we can't wait to go again. I took Asa swimming everyday when he wanted to go. It was 50 degrees and Asa preferred the outdoor pool with 84 degree water, but it was still cool for me. I braved it and he loved it. Asa still says he wishes he was back at the hotel at least a couple of times a day. He and I loved waking up with everyone in the living room to greet us, coffee being ready and just doing a whole lot of nothing. Heaven.

Cousins from Alaska were up a couple of weeks before Easter and had left Asa this giant chocolate soccer ball for his basket. I gave it to him Easter Sunday and he loved it. We are all still eating on it.

Easter, after brunch, Grama Sandi had Easter goodies from Aunt Lori, Aunt Linda and Grama. These kids are so spoiled.

Easter Saturday. We decorated eggs and decided to hide them outside since there was no rain in sight. Asa was so quick. Valentina wasn't really sure on why the urgency and could have cared less about hunting Easter eggs.

Making the cascarones. Asa was able to color, fill and glue the eggs all by himself this year. He is getting so grown up. As he was coloring and filling and gluing, he would announce it. "I'm coloring the egg, now it's done...waiting for it to dry. Now I'll fill it...and glue around the edge and put the wrapper on. Done." I was cracking up. He was like an infomercial.

Me and papa decorating eggs.

The pretty girls of the familia.

Valentina LOVED coloring eggs. She's double fisting here. She would just squeal out of the blue that she was "doing it!"

Easter Saturday Asa had a game. We got beat, but it was still fun.

We went to Goldendale a few days before Easter. There are windmills going up everywhere you look there. They are so cool and enormous.

Asa insisted on wearing his bike helmet in Goldendale when he was outside. Not sure why. He can't get on the tractor when it's going, but he likes to sit in it when it's not. He's styling with a stocking cap + helmet.

I get a picture like this of Papa every time I visit. I love it. Funny thing is, he usually sits down around 9pm after working all day on the property and then sits down to read the paper, but after about 5 minutes, Asa has him playing with him instead. So, I have to take a picture quick.

Asa wanted Beya to read to him, and she did for a LONG time.

Beya colored eggs with Asa.

Grocery shopping in Goldendale. Asa loves pushing the cart even when it's full size, so this is a treat for him at the grocery store. Bad thing is he likes to race it down the aisles.

We stopped at the Stonehenge memorial in Maryhill on the way to Goldendale and it was so windy. Asa seriously looked like he was going to blow away. He didn't like it and was glad when Beya rescued him to the truck.

Stonehenge.

The view of the Columbia river at Maryhill.

an old gas station in Maryhill.

I call this the best sandwich ever. It's filet mignon, with a blue cheese sour cream spread, arugula on a toasted chibata. I got the recipe on foodtv.com and it is truly the best sandwich ever. Mom said that the picture of the old gas station would make a cute little curio shop/cafe I thought of my sandwich being the specialty someday. I'm nuts.

I'm pretty sure this is the cutest thing in the entire world.

Asa riding his "new" used bike that papa and Beya got him at a yard sale. We got some accessories and pimped it out. He loves it. It's his first bike.

Valentina's "new" used bike. The boys making repairs and also pimping it out. She doesn't really like it that much yet.

action shot

Soccer 3 weeks ago.

I was picking up the living room one afternoon and saw that this had been done in one of his puzzle books. It's a code game where you match the fish with a corresponding letter. I have helped him do this once before. I was shocked when I saw that he had completed all 3 puzzles. Josh had been with him earlier in the afternoon and I had asked him if he helped him and he hadn't. I think it's pretty amazing. The joke is "how do fish talk to each other?" answer that Asa completed "on shell phones." LOL

Valentina being completely adorable as usual.

Asa and I on a date at American Dreams Pizza in Portland. He looked at me and said "this place isn't very nice Mum." I asked why? He looked down at the plates and said "the plates aren't nice at all". He did like the pizza though.

TGIF - Soccer edition

2009-04-03T15:24:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Asa's first game of the season! YIPPEE! Yesterday was practice and the weather was so bad. Asa was literally soaked from his hips down. I had to strip him and he rode nekked on the way home! I did put a blanket over him :)

Sissy is sick with an ear infection and it's really bad. She went to the doctor on Tuesday and is on her way with Mom right now. She just moans and moans and looks terrible. I hope she feels better tonight.

Asa and Valentina are at Grama Sandi's this afternoon. Asa was so excited to see her. He felt robbed on Tuesday since I MADE him run errands with me instead.

The weather is supposed to change here starting tomorrow. Forecast is 60 degrees tomorrow, sunny, and by Monday, it's supposed to be 75 degrees! It has made me optimistic for now. We'll see if it happens.

I am going to Goldendale next week over night with Mama, Papa and the kids. Mom told Asa that while they were doing landscape work there, that they found a large hole near the trees and she thinks it's where the Easter Bunny lives. Asa is curious. I am too :)

I will have a lot of pictures from tomorrows game and if the weather is great, there will be more of the weekend too. I just hope that Cameo feels better.

Shake N Bake!

Good Week

2009-04-01T18:16:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you...I don't much like to complain, but this weather is really getting old. Many times a day Asa and I catch each other's eyes....and say in unison..."rain rain go away". The last few days it hasn't only been RAINY, but 40 degrees. It's such a bummer. We are ready to plant the garden, play soccer, work on some home improvements and just feel alive. Good news though...Saturday is Asa's first game of the season and the weather shows sun and 60 degrees. I can't WAIT!

I'm sitting in the living room, on the lap top watching Asa re enact a world cup qualifier we are watching. I really need to video and post as it's just hilarious. He doesn't really root for a specific team, he just wants all the teams to score goals, but is just as psyched when the goalie blocks a goal too. I love my little soccer man.

Yesterday, I went to my college to get my financial aid in order. The loan will be a bit more than I anticipated. I was a bit discouraged and feeling out of control. We are both in need of a car, we should re-fi the house with the rates as low as they areshould we take on another school loan, how much longer will my unemployement last etc. Joshua came home and I was unloading to him so I wouldn't feel so stressed about all of these matters. He laughed at me and told me I had too much on my plate...like President Obama. He said "you're trying to take care of the education, unemployment, mortgage and auto crisis all at once!" I laughed.

I had to bribe Asa into going with me to college yesterday for my financial aid appointment. Pizza and dessert afterward. We got into my appointment and I pulled out Asa's puzzle book and he sat and did his book for nearly an hour. I started losing him about 10 minutes before I was finished. He started talking loud and told the advisor that he can take showers now...but it's OK if he feels like taking a bath, he can do that too. She asked Asa if we had plans after our appointment and he said that we were going to pizza and then asked HER if she wanted to come along! She replied that she had already had lunch.

We went to a hole in the wall pizza place, had a slice and they were delicious. Asa looked at me and said "Mum, this place isn't very nice". I asked "how do you mean?" He said, "look at the plates, they aren't nice". I hadn't noticed, but they were pizza pans. Asa we were finishing up, Asa hugged me and said "Mum, aren't you glad that we came here on a date? I'm having a great time". He just melts my heart sometimes.

Today Sissy and I went to Costco. Asa stayed home with Dad so it was just us girls. I had a great time with my sister. I adore her and she is such a good mama.

Please continue to pray and think about our friends in Guatemala (www.globalorphanteam.com) doing mission work for the orphans there. They need our prayers.

TGIF

2009-03-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

Asa's first soccer practice was yesterday and he had a great time. The rain let up enough for the practice, but the grass was super duper wet and Asa was muddy.

Muddy from a fall

Asa is the smallest...as usual.

Joshua is teaching Asa to play chess. They make me laugh when they are playing. Once I overheard Asa say..."Dad, what move can I make so I can DESTROY YOU!".

Mom got Asa Pixos for a Hanukkah gift. We pulled it out last week and he made an intermediate design. He was really proud of himself. I think it's fun too. I got to make my own too, but I had to sneak it from Asa, or else he would have wanted to do it. I made a 3d elephant.

Pixo fun

Asa and I playing out back.

The soccer cleats that took over 2 weeks to find. He loves them. They are adorable.

Asa just being a sweetie for me.

boys will be boys. (Josh would kill me for this picture too :)

Pray for our girls that are on their way to Guatemala over the weekend. They are doing great work, but need our prayers.

Time Change

2009-03-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

It's been one week since the clock sprung forward. I love that the days are longer, the days and nights are warmer...but I feel like I'm running and I can't catch up. I'm usually adjusted after a couple of weeks.

For my sacrifice for Lent, I have given up beer. Last night was probably the night that I have missed it so far. Friday is my favorite day of the week, and for some reason I couldn't shake the thought of having a cold beer to start my weekend. It was a struggle. I called mom and said that maybe we should be quitters. It would be OK if she ate bread and sweets and I would have a beer. Hearing her "gasp" over the phone, I felt embarrassed. I made it another day and it's already the 3rd week of Lent. I can do it. I am proud of myself. Papa told me today that after Lent is over, I will notice that I won't be drinking as much beer. I laughed.

Tuesday Sissy, Valentina, Asa and I met our friend Laurie at the library for story time and lunch after. Laurie's son Brody and Asa are the same age, and played great together. After Asa knew that we were going to be going to the library, he asked if he could get his own library card. I told him that I didn't think so, but we would check when we got to the library. After finding some great books, Asa reminded me to ask the librarian to see if he could get a library card. I found a nice looking librarian and asked "Is my son old enough to get a library card?" She looked down at Asa and asked him very serious "will you be able to be responsible for your card and your books?" Asa nodded yes. Then she smiled and said yes he could have his own card. She got him all set up and he even had to sign his card at the counter. Asa thinks he pretty hot stuff with his own card and it's different than mine is, so that makes it that much cooler. That was a really fun day. Thank you Laurie and Brody.

Friday was the day that we always dread. The children's professional photo shoot. It was Valentina's best shoot and she had so many great pictures. We thought we were going to lose her there for a while as she started whining "hold me mama, hold me". My eyes got big and I felt a bit of panic. Sissy and I made eye contact and we knew that Sissy was going to have to get out of the room. After Sissy vanished, Valentina was fine. I had to stand behind the photographer, jump up and then fall down, and that made Valentina laugh. After that, she did great and warmed up to the photographer. I was able to bribe Asa into wearing a collared polo shirt with a chocolate milkshake, so after pictures, we headed to Sonic Burger. I wish he wasn't afraid of buttons.

Checking on the laundry this morning, I saw that the water wouldn't drain from the washer. I tried different things to try to get it to drain, but nothing worked and then my heart sank. I had to wait until Joshua woke up in the afternoon to see if he could do something about it. On my way out the door (to go to church) I woke Joshua up and told him about the machine. My thought was that the pump was out and we would need a repair man or a new machine and how would that fit in the budget. At church, I prayed and prayed about the washing machine. I prayed about other things too, that are much more important, but the washing machine really had me stressed out. While getting into the car after church, Josh called. He had fixed the lid switch as it had broken, and the washer worked fine. I squealed, I was so happy. Joshua thinks that church is silly, but he said "see sweetie? you went to church and I figured out how to fix the machine!".

Asa is soccer obsessed and soccer season hasn't even started yet. Papa and I have played with him the most. It's not the funnest thing to do with him, because he changes the rules when it may suit him better. I don't want to say he cheats, but he turns things around to make sure that he is doing a better job than his opponent. We have been watching Italian soccer this week, and when Asa is playing soccer he says things in Italian with an Italian accent. He insists on wearing soccer jerseys and soccer shorts and changes his jersey often, because he wants to represent another team often. This morning we had planned to go to the book store for story time, but I told him he couldn't wear soccer garb .(I would have, but it was freezing and raining and he wouldn't wear a sweatshirt because "soccer players don't wear sweatshirts Mum") We didn't go. Instead we went to Mom's and visited with her and Papa while she cooked us some yummy Mexican fare. It was delicious and fun to boot.

Valentina can go up and down the slide at our house, all by herself. I taught her:) It took a couple of days, but she is a pro. I love that little girl. When Mom and Papa pulled up this afternoon, to take us to church, I got in the car and saw that Valentina was along. I looked at her and immediately said out loud "OH NO". Church...with Valentina. Not a good combo. She looked back at me with black piercing eye and furrowed eyebrows.I looked away. When she has those eyebrows, I know NOT to make eye contact with her. The look is usually followed by a "NO!!!!!!" and I didn't want to disturb her. Mom said she had just waken from a nap. One never knows if that a good thing or not. After a couple of minutes I glanced at her. She glanced back, I was a little wary, but kept looking at her and then she smiled. YAY! There was my girl. LOL, as we were walking into church, I said a little prayer that she would behave and not be noisy. She couldn't' have been better. She didn't have any candy or toys, she just listened and entertained the people sitting behind us. I was so proud of her. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, she is just gorgeous and my heart just melts when she smiles at me. When church was over, she just marched on out, waved good bye to all that we passed by and looked like she owned the place. She is so much fun.

I'm hoping that tomorrow I can complete a task that is on my list. It's nice to cross a task off every so often. Asa and I are going to plant seeds in little planters so they will be big enough to plant in the garden this spring. I say every year we are going to make a raised garden and never do, but this year is different. I am doing much more cooking with fresh food and having a garden that Asa can help with will be good for us. Every time I bring up planting a garden, Mom kind of sighs, knowing that she may be helping with the garden. Then she brings up The Little Red hen. We all will be enjoying the veges of our labor:)

Tuesday is St.Patricks day and Sissy is having a festive dinner for us and then Wednesday, Asa and I will be going to Goldendale with Mama and Papa for a night or two. We are so blessed and lucky to be together, happy and healthy.

TGIF..in pictures.

2009-03-06T08:03:00.001-08:00

Valentina has her Easter dress and Sissy wants to coordinate Asa's outfit to be similar. Asa doesn't like buttons or collars at all, so this is a challenge. He wants to wear a Yoda t-shirt for pictures. These are a couple of shirts that he has had in his closet for well over a year...with the tags still on. I had to bribe him with a lemon head to try them on. I took pictures to show Mom and Sissy what he looks like with collars. It's never seen. Kind of like big foot.

Asa said that this one was "OK...but I don't want to wear it Mum, PLEASE TAKE IT OFF!" and he started crying.

I was trying to be really artistic and get a cool reflection/mirrored picture but Valentina wouldn't stand still. She was groovin' to the Wiggles. Damn Wiggles.

This was at Norms birthday dinner Tuesday. She is so gorgeous. She was very entertaining that night. So was Asa. Asa talked NON STOP the entire dinner. I was going berserk.

Asa being very loud and Josh getting frustrated.
Both of them realizing I'm taking a picture of them.

Asa has been having soccer fever lately, so anytime it's no raining, he's playing, mainly with Papa. Here Asa is trying to dribble the ball backwards.

The goalie.

At brunch after church on Sunday. Asa insisted on sitting next to Papa. They are pretty tight right now. They even spent an afternoon together out and about. Asa came back with a new toy and ice cream. Papa said that Asa was a babe magnet.

Asa got a cute little cook book and we are going to make a new recipe every week. Last week he made a ChocoPeanut Butter banana smoothie and this week was Yogurt Candy coated bananas. They were mainly candy.

This picture just looked kind of funny to me. Not anything like Asa, but he is rockin' a new sweater Mom got for him.

I was reading Vogue and Asa was reading Nick Jr.

Pretty nails

2009-03-04T20:45:00.000-08:00

I was lucky enough to have Valentina this afternoon. I cleaned my house ahead of time so I could just play and focus on her. She couldn't have been sweeter. I have been a slacker lately and hadn't given her a pedi/mani in a few weeks. I said "Vali, want your nails painted? Her eye got huge and she grinned. Afterward, she went into the office to show Uncle Josh her "pretties" and then she was passing Asa and said "Asa look, pretties". Asa stopped playing, took her hand in his and said " Wow Mum, you do pretty good nailing."

I took them both grocery shopping which is always an adventure. The last 10 minutes Valentina yelled at the top of her lungs "W A K E U P J E FF!!!! W A K E U P J E FF!" over and over and over again. My head felt like it was going to explode. Damn those Wiggles.

Asa's offering

2009-03-03T11:22:00.001-08:00

I'm sure many of you know of Global Orphan Team and the great work they are doing for the orphans in Guatemala. They have been working closely with the hogar where Valentina was living before she came home to us. We are so blessed to have GOT doing God's work and helping the children that need help and care so badly. I was thinking and thinking of what our little family could do to help. As Asa and I were lugging out our recyclables one morning I thought to myself, we can take these to Oregon and get 5 cents per item! GOT money! In Oregon, glass bottles (beer), soda cans and plastic water bottles can be recycled for 5 cents a bottle. We already have 2 big garbage bags full and when we get 3, by next week, we are taking them in to recycle. As I'm rinsing out those cans and bottles, it makes me smile. I think of the children in the hogar and know that we are able to help out a bit and if other families also recycled in a state that gives back, all our donations would add up. Asa feels proud that he is able to help in his own way.

I'm embarrassed to say this, but I had a 2 day hangover following Fat Tuesday. So embarrassed. Thank you for Mom and Sissy for caring for my child the following day. Mom even had to take Asa to basketball practice the next day. 4 beers and a Hurricane chaser is not recommended. The thought of a Hurricane makes my stomach flip flop and it's been a week. Joshua will be doing nothing and then all of a sudden yell " HURRICANE!!!". Flip flop. We had a great time while at the party though. There was an 80's cover band along with a Prince cover band and we danced and had a great time. Right before we left I had a Hurricane and thank God I felt fine until we got home. Josh has pictures, which will never be posted, but they did make me laugh. I'm embarrassed because a 40 year should not be getting hung over anytime. Oh well....I have learned my lesson for a while.

I have been interviewing schools and will probably start sometime in May. Mom has been going with me and she has been such a great help. She has such great insight and I have appreciated her input. I'm going to get a diploma in Medical billing and coding. It's an 8 month course, 5 days a week. I'm excited to start learning something new.

Tonight we will be going out to dinner for Norms birthday. That is going to be a treat.

Nothing much going on here

2009-02-23T19:38:00.000-08:00

Corn Dogs

2009-02-23T17:35:00.000-08:00

I made home made mini corn dogs yesterday. I LOVE corn dogs, but not store bought, microwave ones. Fair made corn dogs, with thick batter with the sweet bits of cornmeal. My favorites have always been veggie corn dogs, but I have learned to love the yummy kosher dogs too. I did a great job for my first time and next time they will be perfect. When I cook something new, Joshua says I have a sparkle in my eye when I "serve" them their new meal to try. Yesterday was no exception. Asa looked skeptical, but squirted out his ketchup getting ready to try. He said "here I go Mum!". I waited, so excited for the verdict. Asa swallowed and stood up and saluted me and said that they were deeeeeeeelicious. SWEET! Home run for Mum. When I have made something he doesn't particularly like, he says "don't give up Mum, try try try and you will succeed". He's only 4. Well, Asa asked for mini corn dogs for dinner today. He ate one and said to me "Mum, these are the best mini corn dogs and the more I eat, the more I am a maniac."

Tomorrow is Fat Tuesday and my husband told asked me something that brought tears to my eyes. He asked me if I would like to go to my favorite bar/club tomorrow for Fat Tuesday. I'm giddy just writing that. Joshua isn't a big bar/club/social guy, so I know that he is doing this for me. He reminded me to get the beads ready. We have collected hundreds of beads (Danita, do you still have beads????) from previous years of celebrating at the same bar we have gone to in the past. I'm not quite the party girl now that I'm pushing 40. We don't drink all night, we don't bar hop, instead I'll be checking my watch to make sure I'm home to watch Nip/Tuck. Bars, beer and TV. All in one night. Somebody pinch me.

I've been thinking of you Rhonda...Enjoy Mardi Gras!

Beach

2009-02-21T11:03:00.001-08:00

We got back from our beach trip last night. We had so much fun. We accomplished a lot in 2 days. The weather couldn't have been better. It didn't rain and there was even some sun. This was Thursday afternoon at South Beach.

Walking over the sand dune to the beach.
Asa has been at the beach before, but he was a bit cautious at first. He asked me if there were crabs under the sand that were going to bite his toes. After I told him "no" he was fine.

Papa and Asa played a lot together in the sand.

Valentina was running and fell right away. She didn't cry though. She loved the sand and the ocean. She liked getting wet.

The water is FREEZING! Your feet get numb after a few minutes. Valentina and Asa didn't mind it at all.

Asa "accidentally" fell in the water, so we had to take his pants off.

"OK...what do I do now"

Papa

She filled this bucket up after about 10 minutes. She was scooping just the tiniest 1/4 teaspoons full of sand into the bucket.

Making an aircraft controller tower.

crashing into the tower.

The Japanese Spider crap. Creepy.

Asa laying on the clear plexiglass walkway looking at the sharks below.

SWIM FOR YOUR LIVES!!

At the aquarium

Papa with the sea hag in Depoe Bay

Sissy got the kids sugar sticks.

Asa took this picture of our feet.

Lincoln City

I can't wait to go another time.

TGIF...early edition

2009-02-18T19:43:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow morning, Mom, Papa, Sissy, Valentina, Asa and myself are heading on a road trip to the beach. I love road trips. It's only about a 3 hour drive, but I can't wait! I'm more excited than Asa. I reminded him today that we were going to be leaving early in the morning and he replies "I know, I know, I know". What a buzz kill. We are going to the Newport Aquarium and then to Rogue Microbrewery for dinner. I see a beer sampler in my future. The weather is supposed to be great too! It was 62 degrees and sunny today. Sorry Jilli:(

I can't wait to spend a couple of days with my Sissy and my dear Valentina too. Valentina is such a sweet heart. It's always nice to spend some solid quality time together and I feel I haven't had that with Sissy for a few weeks. Since she has become a Mom, I miss her a bit.

Mom was such a great support to me today. I was having a very stressful anxiety ridden morning and I called Mom and she talked me through it. She went with me to inquire about school and we always have fun together, even while waiting for an hour for an appointment. I'm so thankful for her.

I'm a lucky girl.

Shake N Bake

Pictures from our week.

2009-02-15T18:49:00.001-08:00

I made pretzels today. I really wanted them to taste like the pretzels from Rock Bottom Brewery....but...they didn't. Mom thought that they tasted good, which they did, but I just had higher hopes. Joshua said that we did some troubleshooting this round and next time it will work out better. Asa LOVED them.

OK, this looks kind of sick. This is my worst baking project from the week. It's Challah bread. It got WAY to thick and it was so dense. I threw it out. It looks like a roasted turkey covering it's privates. Again, it will be better next time.

Valentina looking so sweet and innocent in this picture. LOL She wouldn't smile at me for anything. I love it.

Asa at his dentist appointment on Tuesday. He did great. No cavities! YEA! He wanted to call Beya and tell her what a big boy he was.

Asa pulled out Joshua's special olympics...er..I mean his Junior Olympics medals from years ago. He wanted Papa to put them on. Papa looks pretty good, don't ya think? I just love my Papa.

Asa flexing of course. He kept flexing like this at Basketball practice too. Not sure why. Testosterone I suppose. I love this little guy too.

Have a happy Monday!

TGIF!

2009-02-13T12:39:00.000-08:00

I have fallen into "stay at home mom" status. This shit is hard. It seems to me that my only break during the day was at my part time job. I don't know what day of the week it is, I don't really worry about the time of day since Joshua has been home all this week too. The days and the hours just blend all together and I feel like I'm in a tornado. Today is Friday? Are you kidding me? I seem to have way more to do than I used to. Cheers! to stay at home moms. This is kicking my butt.

Last Friday was a mental health emergency. I have been exasperating for the last few weeks and Friday my head felt so jumbled and my head felt like it was full of ants. That's the only way I can explain it. I can tell when I'm hypo manic because I lose sleep. Long story short, I was sent on my way with some medication, instructions to see him on Monday, Mom was told to stay with me while Joshua was working and for me to get some rest. The medication worked over night. My mind felt at ease the next morning. Mom spent the weekend with me. It was a treat to have her spend the night and wake up in the mornings with her. Sunday night before bed, Asa walked into his bedroom and said "where's Beya? She isn't here?". He loved it too. Monday I went in for a follow up and felt great. I thanked God all weekend for doctors, medication and the ability to fight and struggle for our lives. I am thankful that there is a medication that I can take WHEN I need it when my serotonin levels are all messed up.

Monday morning at my follow up appointment with the doctor, he was looking down at my file, kind of paused and said "OK Trina...we are going to have to be careful here...because the main side effect of this medication is weight gain." REALLY????? THAT EXPLAINS IT!! . Over the weekend I had never been so hungry in my entire life. My weekend was filled with baking and cooking. I had never been a better cook or baker until the weekend. I had no idea what was wrong with me, but it seemed as if I had never eaten any good food until the weekend. I pulled out an old bread maker from the garage and have baked EVERY SINGLE DAY since Friday of last week. Not sure what I'm baking today...hmmmm....I was very surprised how many things you can make with a bread maker! Cinnamon Roll dough, Orange roll dough, Challah bread dough...then there's baked bread...Oatmeal bread, Whole wheat berry bread, French Bread. I have recently expanded my knowledge of bread making with the bread machine to include quickbreads. I made Chocolate pound cake last night at 9pm. It will not be my last quick bread in the bread makeer I assure you. I have stopped taking the medication, but knowing that I'm such a great cook and bread maker has fired me up to cook. Oy vey.

Asa had basketball on Wednesday. He is horrible. I just hang my head and shake it and when Asa makes eye contact with me, he give me the "thumbs up" signal. I just signal back. He likes it and that's all that matters. He did tell the coach when we got there "I don't dribble very much because I'm not good at it like the other kids, but it's OK, I still have fun". It melted my heart. I didn't think he knew he was terrible. When we talk about it, I just tell him that he looked like he was having fun and he always agrees with me. It will be over in 2 weeks. 2 long weeks.

Yesterday, mom, papa and Valentina came and picked up Asa and they were off to Goldendale. That left Joshua and I free to watch not-age appropriate TV and go out for happy hour. We went to Rock Bottom for pretzels and beer and then stopped off at a dive bar that recently opened near our home. We were home by 7pm. I know, we are crazy people and we run with the wolves. After we got home, we got to watch more fun TV. Heaven.

The weather has sucked, it's been wet and cold so we haven't spent much time outside. Asa is getting spring fever and has his baseball mitt and bat out and plays pretend baseball inside. Sad.

The Upside Down Show has been replaced with Junkyard Wars. Asa and I love to watch that for an hour in the morning. I never thought the day would come when he would rather watch the Science Channel or NatGeo before Noggin. He still changes the channel to Noggin sometimes, but loses interest quickly. He has been helping me bake too. He is so much fun at this age. He has learned to copy what we say and he thinks he's pretty funny. I remember doing that to my mom when I was younger and thinking it was so funny. Pay back is a bitch.

Asa's TV has been cut to 1 1/2 hours per day. Period. My computer time has been cut down to 1 1/2 hours per day. Period. I haven't been blogging much, or Facebooking much since I have put this restriction on myself, but it does give me more time to bake and cook.

My son will be home soon and I have yet to bake today, so I must hurry so I can have his "best bread in the universe Mum Mum!" bread ready for him. I tell you...baking and cooking for boys that really appreciate it is really special. I am blessed.

What a difference a week makes. I feel great today. Not hypo manic, not sad, not anxious. I feel mellow. I don't take it for granted.

Shake N Bake!

TGIF

2009-02-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

I'm on a bi-polar roller coaster this week. It's exhausting, but I'm managing. I started this blog to talk about my illness and soon it became about my family and goings on. I throw in some mental heath notes and updates here and there. I'm having a rough time right now and between therapist, so I'm going to unload here. After having an up and down week, I decided to start writing about it, get it on "paper" and see how I feel about it. So, you are all stuck with me and my crazy mind. I am going to spare you the details of my destructive behaviour pre-medication, but I'm feeling guilt, grief and a relentless feeling of discontent. I have everything anyone could ever want. I have the best supportive family anyone could want and they love me unconditionally. THANK YOU GOD! I have not been lovable many times in my life, and they all stuck with me. I am blessed. All of these great things....and I'm still numb. I feel guilty for feeling the way I feel when I am so blessed with all of these gifts that have been given to me. The only way I'm coping is being with the children and having spurts of mania. I'm hoping that writing will also help me cope. I'm putting it out there. That's that.

EVERY SINGLE DAY, I clean up square's of toilet paper that have landed right next to the garbage. Since Joshua's lasik surgery, he wipes his tears with a square of paper. For some reason, he can't manage to aim it at the toilet, or the garbage can, which is where is usually lands. I have nagged, nagged and nagged some more for over a month. I had finally had it yesterday. I left a note, see article number 1 above. I forgot about writing it during my day, and went to the bathroom in the evening. That is when I found article number 2 below.

Bugga

So far, so good, but it has only been 24 hours. I'll keep you updated on the toilet paper caper.

Asa at his first basketball lesson. I have tried to detour him from basketball. He's pretty petite for his age. He is easily frustrated when he can't do something perfect the first time and I knew this was going to be a struggle for him. As we leave swimming lessons in the morning, he see the kids playing basketball and he has been asking for basketball lesson for over 2 weeks now. I caved like any other caving mom would. He wasn't very good, but eager and he had a smile on his face the whole time. When his time was over, he was devastated. He is now counting the days until next Wednesday.

Asa was being really quite while he was in his room. Joshua went in to make sure all was OK, and he found Asa sitting in his rocker reading his novel.

Hmmm, wonder who took this photo.

This was Tuesday and Valentina got to hang out with me. She had red glitter shoes on and looked pretty funny trying to play soccer with Asa, but she is a trooper and kept at it. I love that little girl so much.

The swing set has never interested Asa much, but Valentina loves it. She would wrap her legs around it and not let go when I wanted it to be over....after 1/2 hour of pushing and keeping her on it.

a very blurry picture of Asa.

Valentina rarely lets me give her besos, but she let me. I love the look on her face and it makes her TT so happy to see it.

This picture cracks me up. Valentina got tangled in the soccer next somehow and she was trying to get herself out. I told myself...she's going to start yelling "TT" soon. I counted down, 5...4...3...2...1...Yup...."TT, HEWP!! TT HEWP". Asa not really caring about the whole thing.

Finally got her trapped ball or berry as she calls it.

One of Asa's soccer practice obstacles is to knock down the cones in a quick manner. Then his team mates and Asa go and set them up and start over again. Asa was doing this Tuesday and guess who was cone picker upper. Asa would say "Valentina, pick up that cone". Valentina would respond "OK Asa".

Playing with her pretty berry.

Superbowl Sunday at my house. My dad made all of us team badges out of paper to wear to support our team. He drew them free hand and actually drew with marker, Mom's T-shirt. Amazing isn't it? This is what you call Mexi Ghetto Flair. And we loved it. Aren't all of you that have cool expensive football jerseys and Starter baseball caps jealous? I know you are. You have to be mexican to figure this shit out.

Asa's "football" helmet.

Asa is wearing a Seahawks jersey....but it was transformed and we pretended.

He wore this about 1/2 hour or so before he got hot, but he was pretending he was Rothlisberger the entire time.

See the foot ball in his hand? He would mimic every play, including falling down.

Josh would be more than pissed if he knew I posted this picture, so I'm posting this picture with out his knowledge. Privacy laws go in the shitter when it comes to blogging.

Asa, getting tired of me trying to get the perfect picture of him. It's such a different look for him.

Asa at swimming lessons, waiting for his turn to get in the water. He kept saying "it sure is taking a long time Mum, can you say something to hurry them up, Mum, can you? Huh Mum?".

I'll leave you with this.

Shake N Bake!

TGIF - Superbowl edition

2009-01-30T19:24:00.001-08:00

This week sped by...we're talking crazy speed. I slept in 2 days this week and today I didn't get out of bed until after 11am. That's pretty sick. I have made a pact with myself that I will get up before 8:30am every day. Since being off work, it has been nice to sleep in past 5:45am, but this is getting out of control. Asa's schedule is revolving too. He drags himself out of bed at around 8:30 and then crawls into bed with us for another 1/2 hour. LAZY.

It was a nice break, but now it's time for spring cleaning and removing the old (crap) and then hitting early spring yard sales and add room for the new (crap).

Yesterday Joshua and I needed to paint some trim and doors in the house. We set up our paint and supplies in the dining area. It took some time to prep the doors with tape and set the drop cloths down and Asa was beginning to get impatient, asking every 5 minutes or so, when were we going to start painting. He was very excited to help with painting and had had his paintbrush picked out hours earlier. The paint was finally mixed, I filled a small bucket for myself and Asa and walked down the hallway into Asa's bedroom, where we were going to start in on Asa's door. I set the paint down and heard Asa running around in the living room, "Asa! lets get painting!" I yelled from his room. I was so a happy to let him finally know it was time to paint! Joshua was in the hallway, making a repair on the wall. I started painting and in a second I heard Joshua yell "ASA!!!! OH NO ASA!!" I peeked around the bedroom door and standing there was Asa, paintbrush and hand covered and dripping in white paint. My eyes fell from Asa's hand to the wood floor and I saw a puddle of white paint at his feet. I must have looked shocked because I looked at Asa's face and he slowly started to cry. Asa started to cry and I just looked at Joshua and he looked back at me. Joshua picked up Asa and I followed the stream of white paint that lead right back into the dining area, where my supplies were. He had dipped his brush in the big bucket of paint. I was able to clean it up fairly quickly and Asa stopped crying. Asa's hand was dripping with paint and he ran through the house with it, but he didn't get a drop of paint on his clothes. That's some Benjamin Button shit. Asa painted for about 30 seconds and was done.

Steelers..er..I mean Superbowl party at our house Sunday. Fun, fun, fun.

I escaped my boys long enough today to make a special trip to see Valentina today. I hadn't seen her for a couple of days and she hasn't been feeling good. She wasn't over joyed to see me. For a while there, she would bust a move for me when she saw me coming through the door and sqeal my name. I felt like a celebrity and she my adoring paparrazi. Now I come in the door, I make eye contact with her, I have a huge BOZO grin on my face and she squints at me and growls "noooo". She's such a stinker. She was wearing blue today and she looks fabulous in blue. Sissy was wearing blue too:) Side story-Cameo and Valentina wear color coordinated separates during the day. No joke. Sissy says that she doesn't do it on pupose, but then notices later on in the day that they match. Today Valentina was wearing dark blue shirt, lighter blue pants. Sissy was wearing dark plue pants and a lighter blue shirt. Wednesday, Valentina was wearing a dark pink shirt with darker pink pants and Sissy was wearing darker pink pants and a lighter pink t shirt. Wierd. Same to be said for black, red and white. I didn't see them at all yesterday but am pretty sure they were matching.

Shake N Bake!

ho hum

2009-01-27T10:39:00.001-08:00

Things are good. I am doing much better, and thank you ALL for such sweet words and support. All of you have helped me this week and have made me smile...and cry:) All good though. I haven't cried in 24 hours, so I know I'm doing better.

Joshua is off work all this week, due to mandatory furloughs at work. Not having his income this week will be rough, BUT it has been a blessing too. I love having him home and so does Asa. We don't really see him much, so it's a treat to have him home with us.

Saturday was a really hard day for me. I just wanted to lay in bed and hibernate and not deal with anything. I was low. Asa had swimming in the morning, and I wasn't going to take him. I didn't mention it, thinking he would forget. Nope...20 minutes before we're supposed to be there, he decides he HAS TO GO TO SWIMMING LESSON! Yikers...I was in my nightgown, Asa was running around naked (he's into being naked lately, a phase?) and he hadn't even eaten. I quickly made him some bread and butter, pulled my hair into a ponytail and threw on some swim trunks on Asa. We looked pretty rough. We rolled in, with time to spare. As Asa walked into the pool, huge smile on his face, I felt pretty dumb for feeling sorry for myself. It's so much easier having a smile on my face then crying. Being low and sad is exhausting.

Saturday night was Papa's birthday party. Mom made the best enchilada's, beans and rice. I don't like enchilada's, but mom made me special ones with green sauce and they were FABULOUS! They are a favorite now. After dinner, we watched a boxing match. Our boxer lost, so that was a bummer, but being together was fun.

Sunday was a downer. No football. Spring training will start soon, and Asa's soccer is starting in March. I can't WAIT! I have missed soccer. Asa too. The last week he has been playing soccer in the hallway. He keeps telling me that he needs to get some exercise or he won't be able to play soccer.

Asa and I have been working on school books lately. Over the last year, he has told me that he doesn't want to go to school. He wants to stay home with me. Well, the last few weeks, he is ready for school. He tells me he wants to learn how to read and be with other kids and make friends. He is learning phonics and tries to pronounce words. If I say a word he isn't familiar with, he asks me to write it down and he studies it and writes it over and over again. He amazes me.

In the tub yesterday. He specifically asked me to put these on my blog.

I made brownies last weekend. Asa apparently hasn't had brownies that he can remember and just turned his nose up to them when I served us up some. I asked him to take a bite, to try something new...and he was glad that he did.

Asa eats very well. He has never been messy. He doesn't like to be messy when he's eating. It was my OCD that made him that way. BUT, when he eats chocolate, he's a different person. Anything chocolate. Candy, donuts, cookies, brownies. He makes a mess. I have observed him eating chocolate and he tunes everything out. He licks his lips over and over and just enjoys it so much. He can't have much because he literally turns into a crazy lunatic. When his hands get messy, with anything, he clenches them into a fist. I don't know why, he just does, until he can wash his hands.

Chocolate donut for breakfast.

He was tired of football last weekend. I was looking for him and he had crawled into our bed and gotten under the covers. He had turned on our TV in our room and was watching one of his shows.

Well.....

2009-01-23T15:31:00.000-08:00

I miscarried. I'll be OK. I'm pretty emotional, but wanted you all to know. I appreciate all the well wishes and congrats that you have all given me this week. I got your card today Jilli...you are a dear, thank you.

I'll hopefully have better news in a month from now. Good news? Josh and I get to get busy trying again....

Trying to keep it cool...

Bagina bagina bagina...

2009-01-22T11:10:00.001-08:00

Tuesday, Asa was on fire. He was cracking jokes, pretending he was doing stand up comedy and he kept me laughing all afternoon. I think he had to use his imagination to get my attention that day since I was glued to the TV that day, watching the inauguration.

Joshua got Asa ready for bed, and then I decided to lay in bed with Asa. He told me that he wanted to hear stories of when he was a baby. I told him a few, and then out of the blue, he said "Mum, I came out of your bagina....and then daddy came out of your bagina after that". I kind of chuckled and said "no, sweetie, daddy isn't my son". Asa thought for a second and said "where did daddy grow inside of?" I told him Grandma Eleanor. Then he laughed. "mum, I really hope that the baby comes out your butt, so the hospital doesn't have to cut open your beautiful tummy". I told him that I hoped that too. Then he said "BAGINA BAGINA BAGINA BAGINA...I COULD SAY THAT WORD ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT!" I thought to myself...I certainly hope that you don't say that word and embarrass me at some opportune time.

While we were watching American Idol last night, of course, one of the singers was terrible. Asa laughed out loud and said "well...that's something you don't see everyday". We cracked up.

On Monday afternoon, Mom, Papa, Sissy and Vali came over to our house for Papa's birthday dinner. They had picked up KFC and we had a nice family dinner, sans Norm. I love it when we are all together. Valentina always makes everything better. She is such a cutie.

Asa and I still aren't bathed and it's nearly noon. Oy vey....

I guess we're keepin' it cool.

Good Bye Micro Brew...Hello Pre-Natal Vitamins

2009-01-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

Our family is going to have another baby. We are very happy and I feel very blessed. Asa is happy and hopes that we will be having a boy, so he can "hang out with the guys" because, you know..guys are cooler than girls.

Our home is quite small, but a home it is and we love it. Idea's had been running around in my head about where we would have the crib. I finally verbalized to Joshua about my concern and he turned to me so matter of fact and said "my office will be the baby room, we'll figure out where my stuff will go later". Last night, as Asa and I and Josh were sitting on Asa's bed, Asa said "I want the baby's crib to go right here (motioning to where his table is next to his bed) we can move the table by the door, move the bookshelf where the dresser is and my dresser can go into your living room. I don't want the baby to be by himself in daddy's office". Sometimes I look at Asa like he has 2 heads...how did he become so grown up?

Finally, Asa knows that the baby is in my tummy, however, he did ask me yesterday how does the baby come OUT of the tummy. Asa loves my tummy, loves to pull up my shirt randomly, kisses it and tells me how beautiful it is (how wonderful is it to be a mom to a boy who doesn't know better?). He has done this for months. He asked me, "the hospital doesn't cut your tummy do they?". I said "sometimes they do"...he then said "sometimes they don't?" I didn't know what to say. Josh chirped in "sometimes if the baby can't come out naturally, then they cut mama's tummy, but then they stitch up the boo boo and it's all better. But most of the time mama's just spread their legs and the baby comes out the vagina." I was kind of shocked. Asa just smiled and said "bagina is a funny word". That was it. No other explanation needed. I'm glad I have Joshua.

Today is Papa's birthday. I love him so much and appreciate all that he does for us. He is a wonderful provider and a great husband, the best father and the best papa any parent could want for their children. I learn everyday from him and never take him for granted. He has the funniest sense of humor and always has something interesting to talk about. He reads the newspaper and watches the news daily, so he always has interesting tid bits of facts and trivia. I grin when I catch myself saying something my Papa would say and wish wish wish that I could have his ingenuity when fixing or repairing something. He really can fix anything with anything..A Macgyver of repair you could say. He is so attentive to the kids and will play with Asa for hours if that's what Asa wants. Last year when Sissy and Mom were in Guatemala picking up Valentina, I worked in the mornings and dropped off Asa with Papa. He took great care of Asa and I didn't have to worry a bit. I love you Papa. Feliz Cumplianos!

I love my family, and am blessed more and more each day.

Family

2009-01-18T14:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Valentina's birthday party. I walked into Sissy's house and it was exploding with Shrek paraphernalia. The day was gorgeous, so we were able to have the door open and the sun was shining in. It really was a perfect day. So many people came to celebrate with Valentina and everyone that came also brought a gift for Asa. These children are so blessed and so are we. We have a great family and wonderful friends. After everyone left, Asa and I hung out with Mom, Sissy, Norm, Papa and Valentina. Asa, I and Uncle Norm leisurely assembled the play kitchen that Valentina has gotten as a gift, and I played with Valentina's new toys. Sitting on the floor, just being together, laughing, joking, chasing the kids...it was great. I am so lucky to have the families that we have.

We started watching the Inauguration festivities today. I truly got choked up and started to cry when I saw the Obama girls, and then it just got worse. The monuments, the people, the music. I wish that we could be there and feel all the energy that goes along with it. It's just so exciting! Then I decided to DVR it....and started watching football....Go Stillers!

Asa is amazing me all the time. I don't know where he learns the things he does. Yesterday , he was a little nervous with all the people, and just sort of stood in a corner where he was alone. Once Joshua arrived, he sat out in the living room with the rest of us. Asa was telling Joshua something, and Joshua looked at me and smiled "did you hear what Asa just said?" I hadn't, and asked him what? Asa had told Josh that he was apprehensive about being nervous. He blows me away sometimes. Earlier in the week he said to me, while he was in the tub "Mum, pretty soon you're going to be a GRANDMA!" I said..."no I'm not...you have to have kids first before I can be a Grandma". He replied "well, I will have to be 18, and then I get to eat all the candy I want and I won't need you anymore after that". It broke my heart...knowing that that day does come eventually.

This weather here has been amazing. Sun, sun and more sun. It has given me spring fever. Right now it is 56 degrees and sunny.

Well, all this sunshine coming through the window, hitting my back is making me very sleepy, so I think I'm going to take a nap:)

Shake N Bake!

Where in the world is Trina?

2009-01-10T13:42:00.001-08:00

Asa is growing like crazy. I look at him when he is talking or just milling around and I start to tear up. He is and will always be my baby, but he is starting to be his own person with his own attitude and seeing him learn and grow just melts my heart. The time just flies.

Valentina is wonderful. I love her so much and she is growing as well. I love to have conversations with her and she is so smart. She puts on her own clothes and is ready to be potty trained. She is a fabulous dancer and can't wait until Sissy gets her into a dance class. The kids are such a blessing and always entertaining. I sound like a broken record eh?

New Years eve was perfect. We hung out at Sissys and played games and waited for the ball to drop (EST) and then our little family went home. Asa went to bed late and Joshua and I had some adult time. I woke up a little hung over and just chilled the day away on New Years Day. Overall, pretty darn great.

This coming week is Valentina's 2nd birthday and her party is next weekend. I am so excited! She is just going to love being the princess on her special day and will love all the attention. That is the highlight of our month. Papa's birthday is the following week, so we have a lot to celebrate.

This was December 30. We hadn't had a chance to do our little family trip to Peacock lane before Christmas, so we did it the following week. Asa was so interested in it last year, and this year I would say "Look sweetie, the pretty lights on that house?" he would reply "I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!" He's such a stinker and was kind of a fun wrecker that night. He wasn't bad, just....a know it all and not enjoying the LIGHTS!

My favorite duo

Asa taking pictures again...that I wasn't aware of.

Another Asa snapshot.

OK...I'm embarrassed to admit that I tried this cake recipe that came in a chain email. It was called 5 minute easy cake for one. You add the ingredients in a mug and it's just enough for a "mug" of cake. You add all the ingredients in, as if you were making a normal size cake, and you microwave it for 5 minutes and it's supposed to be sinfully delicious. (I'm throwing up a little in my mouth just describing it, because it was not delicious, it was anything but). As you can tell, it looks like shit. LOL I'm so dumb...as I was adding the ingredients into the mug, I thought to myself...I'm adding all the ingredients I would as a big cake, it's taking the same amount of time and pulling the same ingredients out, making the same mess as a normal cake. I should have known...it was butt.

SO SICK! The person that sent me the email had definitely not made it, but commented that it was delicious. OK...

Last weekend in Portland at our Sissy only lunch. We had a great time...and the sake was divine.

Sissy lushin' it up. After her second, she was getting ready to leave the booth to hit the ladies room and she said softly..."I hope I can walk". It was close. Isn't she just gorgeous? Thank you for the lunch girlie...I love you;)

sometime last week. Valentina came over and they were eating lunch together. They are just a slice of heaven these two.

Asa got this giant sugar daddy for Joshua for Christmas. EVERYDAY since Christmas, Asa pleads with Josh to eat it. Joshua is a hoarder and had no intention of eating it. It only took Asa 15 days to achieve his goal. my son is a go getter.

Asa at swimming lessons this morning. (far left). The little girl in the cap and goggles makes me laugh. There was a little girl in a yellow bathing suit in the same class, you can't see her...but Asa had to make sure he sat next to her and held her hand for each activity...and yes...she was blond. He just goes dumb when he sees a cute blond girl...

Joshua and I are going on a date tomorrow and it's his turn to surprise me with something on his own. It is truly a mystery as it is the other times he has done this. Once, he took me to gourmet grocery store to pick out some micro brew, another time we did happy hour at one of my fave places , once he took me to the Wal Mart to pick out a new shirt and we can't forget the time when he drove me 40 miles for coffee...at Starbucks. Not sure why we did that...we have one less than a mile from our house. Anyway...it will be fun and I always appreciate what thought he puts into it, or just appreciate the fact that he can come up with something spur of the moment when I ask him "did you remember you're picking out our date tonight?"

Enjoy your Saturday night....Asa and I have a date with Wii in about a half hour.

TGIF - Moron edition

2009-01-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

Olive Garden : The server, Moron.

JC Penney: Slowest cashier I've ever witnessed- Moron

A Washington State government owned agency: I had to wait in a waiting room for 30 minutes. I had no idea that the reason it was taking 30 minutes was because the employees were looking for a Spanish translator, so they could communicate with me. It doesn't matter that I checked into the department speaking English. My last name is hispanic, so therefore my primary language is Spanish...MORONS!

Dairy Queen Drive thru: I wish they would have had a Moron translator, because I don't speak Moron. What's so hard about filling an order for 2 dishes of ice cream?

Fred Meyer: I don't even want to get started on this one. The 3 employees I had contact with were a pack of morons. What's worse than a moron? Try 3. And they were working together. I can't wait to go back there tomorrow and harass them all. I'm going to really get them back by asking where the milk is. That's a tough one.

Add into that fire? Valentina. That's another post:) I ADORE MY FIRECRACKER and that's just what she is.

Half way through this day today, Asa tells me " we should go home and do this all tomorrow Mum, it's not a good idea". I should have listened.

I'll leave out the "proud" moments that Asa and Valentina bestowed upon us during our adventure today for another post..

Funny thing...This morning as I picked up Sissy and Valentina for our errand run, I mentioned to Sissy that I was feeling impatient with Asa. Coming home tonight, feeling stressed and tired...I looked at Asa. He had such a sweet face, he had been my comic relief through out the day and I realized that we had had such a fun day together, he and I and Sissy and Valentina, even though everyone we had contact with were complete morons. I asked Asa "was I grumpy with you today sweetie?" "No" he answered. Then he said "I have fun on our adventures".

Shake N Bake.

Home for the Holidays

2008-12-28T08:56:00.001-08:00

I just realized that the pictures are going in the wrong order. Whoops. I guess I'll start from yesterday and go from there.

Our holiday has been the best ever. We adults didn't exchange gifts this year. Funds are tight for all of us, and as I was shopping for the kids, I saw so many things that I would have loved to get my family and extended family. I felt bad and kind of sad and thought that we would be lacking some spirit when Christmas day came. Once the family got here that morning, I knew that the gifts for us adults wouldn't matter. It was all about the kids. Watching them open their gifts and seeing them so excited was what it was all about. I couldn't have enjoyed it more. Some extended family had sent gifts to us so we did have some surprises. We are so blessed to have so many people that love and care for us. We had our first white Christmas in years too! It was beautiful. I am glad that it's over, and we have one more night of Hanukkah and all the decorations are coming down. Now we are gearing up for Valentina's and Papa's birthday next month.

The day after Christmas, Asa and I tagged along with Mom and Papa to Goldendale. The trip from Vancouver to Goldendale is normally 2 hours, but with the roads so bad, including the interstate, it took nearly 5. It was an adventure.

There was about 15-16" of snow on the ground at the cabin, so Asa decided to jump off the ladder into the soft snow. I remember doing that when I was younger and he had a blast. He kept wanting to go higher on the ladder, but Mom was a fun wrecker and said NO!

Asa was never without a snowball to eat. He would set it down if he was going to make a snow angel or wanted to run around, but he would always remember where he set it and pick it up and start snacking again.

I got in on the fun too. I would stand up, and Asa would push me down. I made quite a crater:)

This was when we first got there on the 26th. Papa was starting to shovel the road out. The snow was pretty deep. Asa had to walk in the tire tracks because the snow was so deep.

My little snow angel

Their cute little cabin. Mom had it decorated so cute for Christmas. I just realized I didn't get any pictures of her picture perfect tree.

The birdbath. Lots of snow.

I taught Asa to jump off the swing. He caught on pretty quick and begged for me to push him higher so he could "fly with the birds".

He played and played and stayed out for over an hour. I was freezing.

I served Asa up a bowl of snow for evening snack.

Christmas morning. Santa left a nice note for Asa. I did enjoy the cookies and fudge:)

It was a Star Wars Christmas. The kids were pretty spoiled and we know how much our kids needed toys. Poor things have nothing to play with.

Valentina also likes Star Wars action figures.

I haven't seen this cutie in 3 days. I'm going crazy. She has talked to me on the phone though. She looked pretty perfect for just waking up. Sissy had the cutest Holly bow in her hair.

Have I mentioned that I love this adorable girlie?

This was Christmas Eve on our way to pick up Uncle Todd. The roads were so bad. What normally takes about 20 minutes, took over an hour.

Josh will make a snowman, even if there is 1 inch of snow. I had to run errands and figured that he and Asa would make a snowman since we had over 6 inches at that time. I got home and he had made a snowman in my likeness. Turned out, Asa didn't help him. He stayed inside with Uncle Todd. You can see our Penny Penguin in the back round. I didn't get Christmas lights up like in previous years, so Penny Penguin was it.

Christmas Eve. Asa wearing Beya's glasses.

Asa just laying around willy nilly, not paying attention to the Memory game that they are playing...and he still wins. Asa is in a sweatpants phase. I'm not fond of sweatpants, I like Asa to look put together. Sweatpants don't do that. Mom bought him some new ones, so at least he doesn't have high waters anymore. What's worse than sweatpants? High water sweat pants.

On my way to Sissy's at one point this last week. I don't know if you know this, but we had snow over the holiday:)

I think this is 3rd night of Hanukkah. Asa is old enough to light the candles now.

Playing with his kick ass Spiderman and Friends memory game. I have been looking for this version of memory for a year. I finally found it.

Joshua had laser eye surgery. This is him ready to go under the laser. He was pretty nervous and his palms were so sweaty. Josh had bartered with this laser vision center about 7 years ago. He had made their website and they in turn gave him laser surgery. He has been nervous and never did it. I just made the appointment for him and he agreed to do it. 7 years later. Josh said he was just waiting for technology to improve. Right.

I got to watch in a private viewing room. It was pretty cool. It looked pretty gross when I could see the monitor with the lasers lasering his eyes. I told him I'd give birth any day. I really would, or it's been so long since I gave birth that I have forgotten. I would rather have laser surgery instead of being pregnant though. That's worse then the actual child delivery. I'm shuddering just thinking about it. I got kind of side tracked with the baby thing, but the day after his surgery, Joshua's vision is 20/15! Josh told me "why didn't you get me to do this sooner?" He is very pleased with the results.

Asa, first night of Hanukkah. We have a dinner every year on the first night.

Joshua with his glasses! He looks funny to me now in glasses.

I love this girl.I love her little dress and she had on the cutest white knee socks with silver sequined shoes.

The snow that fell that day. Unbelievable.

I have many funny stories that Asa has told me in the last week, and will post more later, but I wanted to communicate with my blogger buddies and fill you in on our great week. I just got a call from Mom. We are heading to JoAnn's to check in on bargains. I guess we need more junk:)

TGIF-Arctic Blast Edition

2008-12-19T16:25:00.000-08:00

I am officially laid off from my job. I'm staying calm. I have been applying for any job that might come up, but today...there wasn't one new listing for a part time job. I'm staying positive and we have been busy together as a family, so we are having fun hanging out and having holiday fun. Eating goodies is always an emotional escape. Thanks to Sissy, we have been eating goodies;)

Our cat Kisuma (Kisi) died on Tuesday. I found her at home when I got home after work. She had just come from the vet that day before...it was just too much trauma for her weak body. She has been sick for the last 2 1/2 years. She was Joshua's and 11 years old. She had just been groomed and she looked pretty good. I'm kind of sad that she isn't annoying me anymore.

We have had some cold weather here and it has snowed, which is unusual for these parts. Asa has enjoyed it and it has been really pretty outside. It is supposed to snow over 6 inches tomorrow.

Sunday is our Hanukkah dinner. I just realized I have 1 day to clean and prepare...YIKERS! It's just low key with the family and the kids will open a few presents.

I have been fighting a cold for about 5 days now. It comes in waves...feel OK for a while, and then get dizzy, sore throat and headache after a while. Weird. I think Asa is fighting it too. After playing in the snow today, he has been a couch potato. I'm in a bad wave at the moment.

Here are some pictures to document our week. Since I am no longer unemployed at the moment, I will make some time to surf blogs and log onto Facebook this weekend. I have missed my blogger and Facebook buddies!

This was today, after it snowed some. The sun had just come out and I hurriedly got Asa into the truck to get to Sissy's to play in the snow. He had his heart set on throwing snow balls with Papa.
Asa wanted to pull Vali on the sled. He tried more than once...but since she weighs the same as he does...it wasn't working. I probably would have helped if we would have had some more snow.

Asa had (accidentally?) thrown a snowball in Vali's face as she was being pulled around on the sled. I tried to get a picture of the snow on her eyelashes. She didn't cry. She was such a sweetie. She didn't really like being outside in the snow, but she didn't want to be a fun wrecker either, so she was happy as long as Papa pulled her around the yard.

Asa pitching snowballs. He would form one, take a bite and then throw.

This was yesterday. Our first day of snow. He had my mittens on.

Playing

Papa was throwing big snow bombs and Asa saw one coming his way.

This was Tuesday at Mom and Papa's anniversary dinner. I love this picture of the kids....with the empty Corona bottle in the foreground. Cheers Sissy!

The honeymooners

I just love my parents.

Kisuma was strutting' her new lion cut. I miss her a little bit.

This was last Saturday night at PIR light display. Mom, Papa and Valentina picked Asa and I up and we headed to the lights. It was great fun. I love spending time with the family on our little holiday jaunts. Joshua is off work this coming week (mandatory layoff week, ugh) and we will get to do some holiday activities before Christmas with him too;)

This was last Saturday before the lights. We saw Santa at the credit union. Note: ASA DOES NOT HAVE A COSTUME ON! ASA DOES NOT HAVE A COSTUME ON!

After Santa, we had did a Target run. Both the kids LOST it at the cash register....and they cried all the way to the car, and on the way home. It's pretty rare, so I had to take these. They were pretty pissed before I took the photo and as I was taking them, they got even more pissed. This picture of Valentina makes me laugh out LOUD!

You can see Vali in the background begging for Beya to save her. It was just constant screaming for about 20 minutes. I was laughing at it then and I'm laughing about it now. I just love those kids.

One day this week. Asa was jumping on his bed and getting some air. He LOVED it that I got the camera out. Rules are that he can jump on his bed, as long as I'm there to supervise.

We are anticipating blizzard conditions this weekend and we are ready to hole up for the weekend, except for an occasional visit to Sissy's if the roads will let us. I plan on baking all weekend too. One has to have goodies if they are snowed in...or laid off from work.

Keep it cool.

Mama and Papa

2008-12-16T08:33:00.000-08:00

My parents 40th wedding anniversary is today. I am so blessed to have happily married parents that respect each other and love each other deeply. They are an inspiration to me every day and I want to be like them when I grow up. They have fun together and still get annoyed at each other...living part time in a small trailer is no easy feat...no place to escape and be alone, but they make it work. They had spent most of their life working and earning money together and we were able to watch that and see that family is the most important thing in the world. We all make it work and it hasn't been easy. We fight, make up and will fight again, but it all brings us closer and I thank God everyday that we can make it through anything. Thank you Mom for letting us speak our mind and respect our decisions no matter what the outcome....no matter what mistakes we have made, you love us and care for us. Thank you both for making me a better mother and daughter....Papa, you have taught me great work ethic and you continuously make me laugh and I love your sense of humor....even though you disappear when you see me crying, I know that it's because you love me and don't like to see me hurt. You taught me to enjoy sports and love to watch football, baseball and boxing with you. I love to take road trips with you both and I love it when you stop by unannounced to visit. You are such a help to our little family and Joshua and I learn from you both every day. Thank God that we live nearby and are able to share ALL of our experiences with each other. You couldn't be any better grandparents and our kids are so lucky to have you so close in their lives. They will always have memories of their Beya and Papa. Thank you for sticking it out for 40 years thought the good times and bad....it has been worth it to your children and grandchildren. Happy Anniversary!

This week in pictures

2008-12-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

Edited: Asa's blood work showed no signs of any underlying problems. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

Asa playing with a plane sling shot thing. When I gave it to him, he said "Oh, this is so COOL! I have wanted it for YEARS!"

Mom came back from Goldendale with fish for Asa. It as a gift for being brave at his blood draw. He as awe struck. He told Mom that he had never had fish and that he loved them. He named one Rex and the other Beya. Mom was pleased:)

"hugging" his new fish.

Joshua and I on a date.

We went for a beer at a micro brewery in Portland. It is a big compound with many different little bars, a theatre, soaking tubs and a couple of restaurants in a renovated school, called The Kennedy School. (miss it Andrea?) A new bar opened up called the Boiler Room. You can't really tell, but most of the furniture and decor is made from radiators and antique heating devices. It's 2 story's with boiler pipes running down between the floors. It's very unique.

Sissy and I Friday night at the "dark park".

Valentina, bundled up and probably wanting to go back into the car.

It makes me proud that I have such a happy little boy.

some of the lights in the park

Asa in front of the tree, that you can't see in the picture.

Sissy trying to get Asa to do some Power Ranger moves. Yes, Asa goes out in public looking like he does in this picture. He is Red Ranger, Storm Trooper and Spiderman all wrapped into one, literally. When I see him dressed like this, it reminds me other pre-motherhood. When I would see boys dressed like this, it didn't make me smile. I thought how could mothers allow their children to appear in public looking so scally wag! Now, when I'm walking behind him and he has his costumes on with big rubber boots (Danita, you know what I'm talking about:) disheveled hair and a chocolaty face, I smile and am so proud that I have a happy healthy boy.

It's not working Sissy, he doesn't want to do Power Ranger moves, but I guess YOU do. Valentina appears to be very entertained by her mother.

I wanted to keep my emotions out of this post, but have found myself just writing this. It is my therapy and it helps to let it all out. I am so tired, emotionally and physically. I'm on the verge of falling apart. I know that Sissy is on the brink too, so we are trying very hard to keep ourselves together. I love this holiday and am so blessed to have our healthy family nearby....but things are just crumbling around us. I just want to sleep for hours and not be bothered by life. I know that some of you are feeling the Christmas crunch too. I'm afraid of a complete breakdown, but after a very low bi-polar break down, it's extremely hard to come back up. I am trying trying trying to stay even. I have worked so hard to keep myself level for the last few months and it's no surprise that the low is coming. It's not a good time.

One thing I am looking forward to is making Tamales on Tuesday with Mom and Sissy. Even better is eating them afterward. They are quite a chore and take about a day to prepare and assemble, but oh so worth it. You just can't buy a store bought tamale and feel satisfied. Cheers to home made tamales.

I'm fabulous

2008-12-09T08:43:00.001-08:00

Jill gave me this Super-Fab Award

Here are the rules to receiving this award:

1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous bloggers in a post.
2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.
3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.

Instructions: On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them.

My Addictions:

1:) Coffee- I have recently switched to decaf. It wasn't that hard and I was actually going to try to stop coffee altogether, but I enjoy the smell and taste so much, that I decided to go decaf. Going off the caffeine has lowered my stress and anxiety level a bit, so as Martha would say...it's a good thing. I enjoy buying different coffees, I enjoy trying new creamers, I love making coffee in my noisy 20 year old pot that I got from my Grandma. It's louder than a washing machine, but it is a constant reminder of my Grandma.

2.) TV via DVR- I really don't know how I watched TV before this handy device. I could sit in front of the tube for days at a time, to only get up to relieve myself and eat. No problems. Movies not so much, just TV. I love reality TV. Survivor, The Amazing Race, Project Runway, Top Chef, Top Design, Beauty and the Geek, Nip/Tuck, Law and Order, Hero's and pretty much all prime time on PBS. And the list goes on. With DVR, there is always something that I want to watch. I don't start watching TV until Asa goes to bed since most of the shows I watch are not age appropriate which is a bummer because I only have a couple of hours to watch, but with a DVR, I can skip through the commercials and watch about 4 shows in 1/2 the time. I also like to watch pretty much any sport on TV too, but I don't DVR that because it's better live.

3.) Going out to lunch- 2 weeks ago Joshua and I sat down and went over our budget. Since we are in the red most of the time, I realized that my lunches out would have to cease. It is very unfortunate. I love to try new places to dine and just enjoy being waited on.

4.) Facebook- OK, this is hard to admit. I have a problem. I can't even open the window, as it gets me in trouble. I had given it up cold turkey, but have relapsed a few times. There is a game application called Bubble Town. Don't look it up, it is an evil time waster. At one point, I spent 5.5 hours playing it. That is when I quit...the first time. I have given myself a 1 1/2 hour maximum twice a week and it seems to be working. I get a flip flopping feeling in my stomach and hurry and get my house work done when I know it's my time to play. Pretty disgusting huh? I'm embarrassed just writing about it, but it is a clear addiction of mine.

5.) Beer- You didn't see that one coming did ya! I love microbrews and love sampling different ones. I love seasonal beers, and I also like the Bud Light in the summer time. So cool and refreshing. I read brew magazines and will always be up for a brew festival where we can socialize with other beer aficionado. I guess it's more of a passion than an addiction. I don't normally drink more than 2 micros, but if it is special occasion ( getting off work, getting my house clean, getting the mail or the start of prime time TV) I might finish off the micro brew with a Bud Light.

There you have it. My addictions.

I am tagging anyone who wants to join in on the fun.

Thank you Jilli for the Fabulous Blog Award. I want to thank my family and God. I couldn't do it with out them and for them believing in me, encouraging me to blog about willy nilly.

Monday Monday Monday

2008-12-08T08:40:00.001-08:00

Friday afternoon, I kidnapped Sissy and Valentina and we did a Wally Land run (that's what Asa and Joshua call Wal Mart). As Asa and I were carting out of the store, we walked by the Wal Mart "day spa". There sitting in a pedicure chair was Santa, sitting with hot towels on his legs. Asa blurted out "THERE'S SANTA! HE'S GETTING A PEDICURE!" It was weird. When I hear the name Santa or see a Santa, I can't shake the image of pedicure Santa.

Asa had been asking for 2 days straight to go and see the Christmas Tree in our down town park. Asa and I were going on a date to see the tree. I called Sissy to see if her and Vali would like to go. She said she didn't want to go because Valentina was going to go to bed in an hour blah, blah, excuse, blah. Then she asked me "Are you just going to drive by, or are you getting out of your car?" I answered "of course we're getting out of the car. We are going to see the Christmas tree!". Sissy then replies "we're coming with you if you are getting out of the car. It's dangerous to be walking about willy nilly in the park at night." I argued with her telling her how ridiculous she was being. It was 5pm, with stores all around. After agreeing to pick her up, I got to thinking how much she sounded like our grandmother. Dangerous....willy nilly...dark...park.... Our Grandmother would have never allowed us to go out after dark, it was much too dangerous. I took comfort in the fact that Sissy is carrying on some traits from our dear Grandma..not to mention Sissy's obsession with flax seed, omega 3's and iron deficiency. SO, to make a long story longer....we got to the park, bundled up Valentina and Asa finally got to see what he calls "the tallest Christmas tree in the world". He stood up to it, looked at it briefly, turned to me, slapped me on the butt said "TAG, YOUR IT!" and ran off into the darkness. The 2 days of whining to see the tree, the arguing with sissy about going alone to the park and the 1/2 hour it took to get Vali bundled up for the walk and it was all for a 5 second look at the tree. It didn't matter...that's what it's all about....memories.

As I was signing off on my TGIF post Friday with Shake N Bake, I realized that I'm tired of Shake N Bake. I need a new TGIF closer. I figured I would keep an open mind and think hard and long on what I would change it to. I watched Saturday night live. Typically I can't stay up that late and end up falling asleep before it starts. I have to say that I laughed out loud to every skit that night. So, from now on, my TGIF catch phrase is no longer Shake N Bake. It has been replaced with "Keep it cool". So true peeps, keep it cool.

TGIF Photo edition

2008-12-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

A fairly good week. I stayed home from work yesterday. Asa was up from 2-6AM yesterday morning with severe leg and foot cramps. His growing pains have been more frequent and severe lately. I took him to Doctor yesterday to have him take a physical look at him and confirm that it is indeed growing pains. We are pretty sure that is what it is, however, the waking up in the night crying and no appetite is not common. Doctor felt is was necessary to have blood work done to rule out anything serious, and if that comes back OK, then we will see about Asa seeing a podiatrist about his huge flat hobbit feet. He doesn't have much of an arch and that could be a contributing factor. It was Asa's first time for a blood draw. LUCKILY he had seen me have it done a few months back and was pretty prepared. He sat on my lap in the lab chair and the 2 sweet techs had him fairly calm. The tech inched the needle closer and Asa looked a bit bewildered, but I had given him a sucker to suck on to try to take his mind off of it. The needle went in and all was good, but no blood was coming out. Asa's eyes started to tear up, but he never cried. He just said it stung. About 30 seconds goes by and still no blood. The tech started digging around with the needle still in his little arm and Asa was whining. I was sick to my stomach. Having dried up crusty veins myself, I knew that this was going to be difficult for him. Still no blood. Some more digging and blood started to flow. Slowly. It finally stopped with only a tiny bit in the vial. I sighed, knowing that it wasn't going to be enough and they would have to stick him again. Sure enough, the women came back and looked so sad. They would have to get more. They did the other arm, and this time Asa cried. He didn't scream, he was so brave. His little body shook as they picked him again, and more digging. The other tech had to take over and still no go. It seemed like 5 minutes had passed before they finally found a vein and blood started flowing. They finally had enough. Asa was a trooper. I was so proud of him. He was so still and didn't move an inch when they were digging in his arm. We were done and ready to leave when a little blond girl poked her head inside the lab. Asa instantly stopped crying and waved to her. He loses his mind when he sees a cute blond girl. Asa wouldn't talk about it afterward. I was telling him how brave he was and he could tell Beya and Daddy and Sissy about it. He ignore me. Finally, last night in bed he said "Mum, I had surgery today on my both my arms and it wasn't too bad!". I cried. It was a horrible experience for me. I was just so thankful that he doesn't have to be poked by needles and go through chemo like so many other children have to endure. Please pray/keep good thoughts for us as we are waiting for the blood work to come back.

Mom is in Goldendale this week. I miss her when she is gone, but I do love having Sissy to myself sometimes. Grama has watched the kids 2 afternoons this week which has left me with some alone time. Wednesday, Asa preferred to go to Grama's instead of getting a Christmas tree. He was too tired. Another symptom of growing pains? I told him that we were going to get it if he didn't go with me and he didn't care. Josh and I went alone and it took about 2 hours, going from lot to lot looking for the perfect tree. I prefer the small Charlie Brown tree, but Josh went for years without a tree when he was growing up, that he likes a bigger tree. We had a great time together. Josh had said that Asa would probably be mad that we actually went and got a tree with out him and to tell Asa that Santa had actually delivered the tree to us. I thought that was kind of a fun idea! When I picked up Asa he said "so what kind of tree did you and daddy get?". I said "maybe Santa dropped the tree off instead?" He said "no he didn't, you and daddy got the tree." What a fun wrecker. He did help me decorate then entire tree though, from start to finish, which was about 2 hours, since he would mainly play space ship with the ornaments.

Tomorrow, the Holiday Brewfest is going on in downtown Portland. I have never been before since it is always on the same weekend every year when Joshua's employer holiday parties are held. Since both of Joshua's holiday parties were canceled this year, we are going to the brewfest. I'm VERY excited to say the least.

My little storm trooper decorating the tree with me. Even though he is a storm trooper, he has informed us that he prefers to be called Hans Solo instead of Asa. This coming from a kid that has never seen Star Wars before. Josh would LOVE for him to watch it with him, but Asa says it's not age appropriate when Josh "happens" to have it on the TV.

playing space ship.

This was Thanksgiving at Sissy's. Valentina was pulling out ornaments and the ones that she especially liked, she would scrunch up her face, hug them to her lips and say "oooooohhhhh". I just look at this girl and she makes me either smile of laugh.

trimming the tree.

Thanksgiving day. Valentina gets her good looks from my Sissy.

Sissy's

More surprise pictures of Asa's.

Surprise

surprise.

Sissy's pretty table at Thanksgiving.

This evening, Asa and I are going on a date to see the Christmas tree in our downtown park. Maybe I can convince Sissy and Valentina to go too.

That's all peeps! Have a great weekend!

Shake N' Bake!

100 Things

2008-12-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

I saw this on Holly's blog Please feel free to steal it from me. Everything I did is in bold.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Totally copied a post from someone else's blog to your own

Trip Recap

2008-12-01T14:16:00.000-08:00

My mother in law told me that when you go and visit relatives it's called a trip. When NOT vi sting relatives it's a vacation. I thought that was cute and pretty accurate. I am now posting pictures of our trip. We left early Tuesday morning for our long flight to NY. Usually I am a bit nervous of flying, but having having a beer on the plane at 6:30 AM always does the trick to calm me down. JUST KIDDING! I waited until 9AM. I figured that was 12pm EST and that was appropriate. Asa did great, he sat on the window seat and as we were taking off, he looked over at me, smiled and gave me a thumbs up. Joshua sat next to Asa the entire trip so I was free of questions for the next 5 hours. As we landed in NY, the planed stopped after taxi-ing(?) It was quiet in the cabin and Asa blurts out "I think we ran out of gas". He got a lot of laughs.

At JFK in NY.

oops, this picture isn't in the right order. Mt Hood as we were flying over.

Asa watching Dora the Explorer on the TV.

The view from my in-laws front porch. We were surprised to land in Pittsburgh with snow on the ground. It was FREEZING!

.
Asa gets his poses from his father.

Asa broke out the costumes the next day.

The riverfront in Morgantown WV.

Asa's first experience with snow this year. I let him eat the snow above. He had handfuls mixed with mostly leaves and grass. Ah, what's it gonna hurt?

I loved having Joshua for 10 days straight. It felt like the old days. I am in love with my man.

Fun in the FREEZING COLD!

Asa ready to throw a snowball.

Joshua pulling out more toys for Asa. (or for HIM perhaps)

This picture was specifically taken for Mom. She appreciates Asa's bed head.

Playing GI Joe zip line.

Riding the PRT (personal ride transit) in Morgantown. It's just a little car that runs on rails though out downtown Morgantown to shuttle students around campus and downtown. Asa thought is was great. Asa escaping Grandma Darlenes clutches. She was trying to hug him.

My big boy. (with his baby blanket AKA "mm mm")

There were students studying on the PRT while we were riding. I'm sure it was difficult as Asa was talking loudly the entire time...."THERE'S ANOTHER PRT! LOOK, THERE'S 4 MORE PRT'S! LOOK LOOK IT". This lasted about 20 minutes.

"LOOK, LOOK IT! 4 PRT'S! LOOK!"

A campus building. Being in that part of the country, It feels so historical. The buildings are much older than buildings on our part of the county. I loved the architecture.

2 peas in a pod. Walking in downtown Morgantown. Did I mention that it was FREEZING?

Asa sitting in some cool chairs in front of a "hippie" store. You'd never guess with the Tie Dyed shirts would ya?

Asa is into taking pictures of his toys. It keeps him occupied when dining out.

Darlene and I. I had a great time with her. We cooked and ate, and ate. She was a fun eating partner. After some shopping, eating some lunch.

Our trip to Pittsburgh. I thought it was cold in Morgantown. Pittsburgh was beyond cold. Asa was in his cocoon the entire time. This is us in the "strip district". We had come prepared for the cold, with hats and scarves, but we still needed more. We walked one block, saw a clothing store and bought more warm stuff. I'm not complaining about the cold, it was just a shock to us coming from 40 degree weather.

All of this walking around downtown, I was thinking it was beer-thirty. There wasn't a whole lot to choose from along the strip for food or spirits, so I asked a passer by if she know of a brew pub around. She looked at me surprised and said that she had just happened upon a unique brew pub that day and it was only a mile away. She also said that they had great pizza. Asa told her "Oh, pizza sounds GREAT!" As Asa would say, SCORE! It was an old church converted into a brewery. Church Brew Works.

The front of the church is where they do the brewing.

Asa fell asleep before the drinks even came. I guess all that riding around in the stroller did him in. He slept for over an hour.

A quick picture from Mt. Washington overlooking Pittsburgh.

Our main reason for going to Pittsburgh was to visit an old college friend of Joshua's. They met in Seattle and Doug moved back to Pittsburgh. He is hilarious. Josh and he hadn't seen each other in 6 years. His place is very eccentric and interesting. It's like a museum. He is big kid at heart and had Star Wars collections in the book shelves and other interesting things that Asa was just in love with. We had such a fun time laughing and hanging out. Asa cried when we were ready to leave. I told him that we were leaving with out him and he could stay there. He stopped crying and said "OK, I'm staying here". What a stinker. ANYWAY, as I was helping my self to a IRON CITY beer, this was a magnet on the fridge.

The guys

One of the cool items at the "childrens museum".

Another Asa original picture. Doug gave Asa an un-opened Chewbacca toy before we left. Doug informed us that he had worked at Toys R Us for a while. Asa thought that was the coolest job ever. Why didn't I work at Toy's R Us he asked.

After leaving Dougs house, we stopped by the overlook for another picture of Pittsburgh. It was 17 degrees.

It was 17 degrees.

Every so often, our Asa (turtle) would pop his head out of his cocoon. He kept repeating under that blanket "cold....cold...cold....cold". We walked quite a bit just to see the view and Asa never complained to go back to the car, or go in anywhere warm...he just enjoyed. He is a great traveler.

Joshua's best friend growing up across the street, came from Virginia to see Joshua. I'm bummed I didn't get a picture of him. This was Asa's first visit to a "bar and grill". Mostly bar. Once the"not age appropriate" music started and the college girls started dancing on their chairs, we figured it was time to leave. It was a very new bar, it had opened up the week before and it just a mile from Joshuas house. Not joking, but everyone that walked in while we were there, knew Joshua. It was like a reunion. None of them had very "age appropriate" language and Asa had never seen anyone smoking cigarettes before. It was entertaining to see Joshua tell his friends to step away from our table when they would smoke and to tell them to watch their language. Asa was pretty spoiled and they made a child friendly lunch plate. They didn't have dessert at the bar, but the owner owns the quick mart next door and let us go and get some ice cream for Asa to eat in the bar. Fun times. Only in Morgantown. As we were driving away, Josh turned to me and said "I'm glad I have the life I have. I would be just like those guys if it wasn't for you and Asa".

The best view of Joshua's childhood home that I could get from the warm car. It was cold.

Joshua was watching me cook and we saw a flash of light. Asa was taking random photos.

"smile Mum and Daddy" Poor kid, from his point of view, we look like mean giants.

One of my favorite shots.

Self portrait. I'm laughing because as I download pictures, I have no idea he has taken these pictures.

Asa takes great surprise shots. He comes out of nowhere and starts snapping with very bright flashes.

"SMILE DADDY!"

couch potatos

Sunday before leaving, we had a Thanksgiving dinner with Joshua's brother and their family. Darlene has a turkey roaster, however the turkey was 4 lbs bigger than the roaster capacity. I laughed when it came out and it had a varigated color. This is why one doesn't put a 22 lb turkey in an 19 lb turkey roaster. I dislike turkey. I made it once, and just rinsing it out and smelling the turkey poultry smell made me ill. Not to mention that after doing all that work, it came out raw. That was years ago, but I can still smell that horrible stench when I even look at turkey.

Asa with his cousin Laura. She is one year older and they loved spending time together. Asa is her only cousin.

Laura is a girly girl and to see that she caved and put on a Star Wars costume was pretty cute. Asa compromised (you know, Asa compromises). If she wore the costume, he would learn one of her dance routines. I walked in on them practicing in a bedroom, but Asa wouldn't perform it for us.

Joshua with his Dad Barry and brother Michael.

The kids.

I wonder who took this picture?

"I don't want to go to bed...stop ASKING ME THAT! I just want to drink my choco soy milk. His words.

I got to meet up with a fellow blogger. Mandy from Ohio. She lives a couple of hours away, but has a friend in Morgantown so we were able to schedule a time to meet before we left for Washington. I loved our visit. Asa was great and was well behaved. He took a liking to her right away. Mandy is a great girl and knowing that I was going to meet her for the first time in person was a little scary for me. I even had my little family with me and I was still a little nervous and anxious. I wasn't sure if we would have much to talk about and I didn't want to seem boring. After giving her a hug and seeing her smile I felt like I had known her for years and the conversation just flowed freely. We talked about each other's families and our lives. We have a lot in common and I guess thats why our blogs interest each other. It was a highlight of our trip and I have made a friend for life. Thank you Mandy! You are a great girl!

On the flight home. Asa fell asleep before take off.

We had a great trip, but there's no place like home. Now I'm looking forward to planning a VACATION with my Sissy, Uncle Norm, Mom, Papa, Joshua, Valentina and Asa.

We had the best Thanksgiving this year. We were all together, all of us are healthy and I got to see the kids running around the house squealing and laughing....it was perfect.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

2008-11-26T08:56:00.000-08:00

We are home. We had a great trip and have many photos to document our time in West Virginia. There was snow, freezing temperatures, Asa playing with cousins he had never met and catching up with family and friends. I will post pictures and stories over the holiday but wanted to "plug" in since I have been away. I rarely checked my e-mail, never checked in on Facebook and I still survived. What a wonder!

I'm sorry Mom and Sissy, but seeing Valentina was the highlight of coming home. To hear her squeal and see her body just shaking with excitement when she saw us was priceless. Mom pulled into our driveway and Vali yelled "T T house!". She had NO INTENTION of leaving me, Josh and Asa. As she was sitting and waiting in her car seat she put her little arms up and said "up up" and as tired as I was, and just wanted to lay in bed, I couldn't let Sissy and Mom take her home. I snatched her out of the car seat and kept her. She was even more beautiful than I had remembered. ( I guess I didn't have to "remember" her, Sissy and I traded pictures of the kids on the cell phones at least once a day:)

Mom's birthday was yesterday and it was nice being home to celebrate with her. It seemed like a make shift birthday since we didn't have a grand meal out, or have her presents ready...but we were all together and that was all that mattered to Mom. She is truly the best mother we could have and I have so much respect for her. I remember being younger and not appreciating that fact that some of the things that I would do or say would remind me of my mother, but now I LOVE it when I might say a phrase or do something that reminds me that I'm like my mother. Being away from her for 10 days made me just cements the fact living close together is such a blessing to me and our little family. I learn from her EVERYDAY! How lucky I am.

I have so much to write about and don't have the time, but I'm looking forward to telling fun stories of our trip. I missed all my bloggers and will be catching up on blogs for the next couple of days. Being away from my favorite blogs made me think that you are all my friends. I thought of all of you often and missed checking in on you all. For all of you that kept us in your prayers and had good thoughts for us on our trip, thank you. We got home safe and sound.

Happy Thanksgiving! We all have so much to be thankful for and this is going to be a very special holiday for our family. Be safe and enjoy your time off and make special memories with your family. That's what life is all about.

TGIF-Vacation edition

2008-11-13T19:08:00.000-08:00

I am on vacation for 9 days starting today at 11. It couldn't come at a better time as work with the bosses has been unbearable. I am looking for a new job when I return and will feel hopeful that my time will be limited at the "hell hole". I am VERY excited that Joshua, Asa and I will be together for 9 whole days. What a treat! We are going to West Virginia to visit my in laws and will staying with them. I plan on meeting a couple of my blogger friends while we are there and will have plenty of pictures and stories to blog about when I get back. I am excited to get a break from Vancouver, but am also going to miss my little family I leave behind. Anxiety is starting to set in but I think that the time will go by fast and we will be back before we know it.

Joshua's 30th birthday was celebrated Tuesday night and one of our fave restaurants, Beaches. Joshua is reserved so when we walked in to a decorated party site, he was kind of embarrassed, but quickly started to enjoy being the man of the hour.

Yummy Tiramisu cake. The picture was supposed to be of just Joshua, but Asa squished in at the last minute. What a picture hog.

Yes, I'm surprised that Joshua could actually make it to his own birthday party.

OK, party is ready to start with the 22 oz. stout in hand.

A mammoth 22 oz. stout. YUM

Asa stole the camera from me and started clicking away. I told you he likes to take pictures of toys.
So funny. I didn't know he was taking these pictures until I downloaded them.

My favorite boys

Valentina always charming. This dress is the cutest one I have ever seen her in. Love it.

The chalkboard in the entry way of the restaurant listing special occasions.

Another Asa picture.

" I need a refill over here, snap to it

Sissy taking a picture of me taking a picture. I know, we're nerds.

Valentina at my house earlier in the day. She was keeping me company while I was folding laundry.

Asa just being a lounge lizard.

Well, I'm so excited to hang with the family for the next couple of days before we leave on our trip. I'm missing our soccer Saturdays, and it will be a long winter, but there is so much to plan for over the next month. It's sunny day today and Asa and I will be doing our own soccer practice and will hopefully get Valentina out in the sunshine today too. Cheers to a safe weekend!

Shake N' Bake!

Oh MY! A photo I am NOT posting.

2008-11-10T21:43:00.001-08:00

We got home safely from our trip to Goldendale. Sissy drove the whole way there and back. That was agreed upon the fact that I didn't fall asleep while she was driving. Pretty hard to sleep when there are 2 active, talkative kiddo's in the backseat. It was nice to see the relatives and see the property.

Over a year ago, Sissy got Asa a Fisher Price digital camera. He carries it around and takes pictures quite a bit. When I download the pictures every couple months or so, I love to see what interests him enough to photograph. Mostly pictures of his toys and quite a bit of me cooking. I was in the bedroom putting laundry away on Saturday. Josh was downloading Asa's pictures in the office. I heard Josh say from the office "TRINA! COME HERE!" On the computer screen was a picture of me NUDE! My nude BUTT! I gasped. Asa heard me gasp and ran into the office. He saw the picture, laughed out loud and said "Daddy, that's Mum buns!". Asa then looked at me and said "Mum, is that a good picture to blog?". I can't help but chuckle when I see Asa taking snapshots with his camera.

Some view of the Columbia River along the Washington side. Oregon is on the opposite side. On our way to Goldendale. We take it for granted, but I thought it looked gorgeous.

Aunt Margo and Cousin Mary taking pictures of Asa. Asa took this picture of them taking his picture.

Asa was running along at my parents, saw this group of trees, ran into the center of it and told me to take his picture.

I love seeing him run as fast and as far as he can go. He can't do that in the city.

Here, he as looking for deer dropping. He said that he was animal tracking like Diego.

I thought that Valentina was adorable eating this apple. It's as big as her face.

Asa not being social, playing his V-smile.
still playing the V-smile. I got him in his PJ's for the trip home. He was disappointed. He thought that we were going to sleep in Mom and Papa's bed that night.

Valentina excited to be going home. She cracked us up all the way home. She learned to say "Mah peeps" on the way home and now says it when we walk into Sissy's house now. Adorable.

TGIF

2008-11-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

Sissy and I had a great Sissy day yesterday. We did have the children though. After I got off work, we drove to Portland to eat lunch at Cheesecake Factory. The kids were great. After that, Sissy decided it was a perfect time to go to Build a Bear.

In the back of my mind, I'm thinking...nope, don't think so. I had really wanted to go there with Sissy, ALONE, no children and get her a Holly Moose for her birthday. We have wanted our own Build a Bear for quite a while (I know, we're nerds) and since Sissy has everything she wants or needs I figured that was a good idea and she would have it forever. I knew she wanted to go badly, and I didn't want to be a fun wrecker, so I caved. I told Asa in advance that he wasn't not stuffing a bear. He could get an outfit. Well....of course we get there and chaos ensues. Asa starts crying because he wants a penguin, Valentina wants a moose and I'm thinking, I want to take Asa out to the car because I'm not caving. So instead, Sissy caved. She bought him a bear and told him no clothes though. Again, she caved and got bear a shirt. Meanwhile, while I'm wrangling Asa in the store, Valentina is running away from Sissy and every once in a while I hear "VALENTINA, NO!" Then I hear Valentina answer back "NO!". She was a firecracker. Needless to say, my idea and thoughts of me and sissy going alone to Build a Bear had been shattered. An hour later and sissy going broke (it was for HER birthday and she insisted on paying) we left the store. I was drained, the kids were tired and Sissy looked the happiest I had seen her in a while. I guess that's all that mattered. I really don't know how she takes care of both of the kids and then can shop WITH the kids and still be patient and love them the way that she does, she just a natural I guess.

On the way home, both kids were asleep by 4pm. I drug Asa into his room around 4:30, still asleep, expecting him to wake up. He didn't. He slept until this morning at 6am. I guess Build a Bear had worn him out too. It was nice to have my evening all to myself. I watched Survivor and 30 Rock, but only after spending over an hour on Facebook, playing Bubble Town. I think I may need an intervention. Mob Wars ain't got NOTHING on Bubble Town.

I have been stressed about regular life things this week and making it OK. With my hours being cut at work, I'm really trying to stretch our budget. And with vacation coming up in a week, I'm trying not to panic. Work has been hell too. It always has been, but there's not a lot of work out there at the moment and God knows I've been looking. I could use some prayers and good thoughts for me and our little family. Things always work out in the end, but getting to that point is a rough road.

After work today, Sissy, the kids and I are going to Goldendale to spend the day. My favorite Aunt Margo will be there for a couple of days and we don't want to miss her. It will be a quick long trip, but Sissy and I will enjoy just being together. We need prayers and good thoughts that we will have a safe trip. The rain is hard today and the drive along the Columbia River gorge is always a little bit scary when it's raining hard and in the dark. Sissy is a great driver though. Even though she's a race car driver.

Tuesday of course was election day. It was very emotional for me, as it was for so many others. I shoved Asa in front of the TV when Obama was speaking. I told Asa to watch and remember that this was history and he would read about it in school one day and to never forget what a milestone this was. He wanted to go to bed, but I made him watch the news coverage.

Now comes the hard part. Mom had told me the next morning that we now have to pray for President Elect Obama, to keep he and his family safe and for the guidance he needs to help our country that's in crisis. The wars, the hunger, the threats, the genocides and the economy troubles are still here and there. It is very sobering. It will be a long road and things will never be perfect or in order, but we have to pray that change will happen. Any change will be an improvement, for us and the world.

Well, we will be off in a couple of hours for our Thelma and Louise adventure. Sissy and I loved that movie and saw it together years ago. Anytime we would get in a car together, we would turn to each other and say we were Thelma and Louise. Of course we didn't want to end UP like Thelma and Louise, but I still think of us as being adventurous and always making each other laugh. We are healthy, happy and the kids are great, so cheers to another great weekend!

Shake 'n BAKE!

Halloween Week

2008-11-02T08:35:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was such a lazy day for us. We stayed home and went no where and didn't have the urge to go anywhere either. I'm sorry to say that Asa and I were couch potato's. Josh worked the night before so he slept most of the day. Now I'm ready to start the week, feeling refreshed.

The downpours of rain has started. It didn't really let up all weekend. I am going to try to figure out a way to get some exercise for Asa and I while it's miserable outside. Any ideas? Other than work out videos?

Halloween was so fun. I loved seeing all the cute costumes. We go on Main street in a little town near our bigger city. Very small town. We saw friends and family that we haven't seen in a while. I loved watching Valentina in her little stroller trick or treating and Asa had a fellow stormtrooper to walk. He actually left my side and wasn't afraid of the scarier costumes. He is growing up and starting to be more independent. It was the best Halloween ever. Now I have to take down the decorations. I should have done that yesterday, but again, we were couch potato's.

Saturday was Asa's last fall soccer game. After there was a pizza party and Asa got to say his good bye's to his little friends. Good new, the coach will be coaching Spring too. That's a relief. Having a new coach every season is kind of hard on Mum. After the game we went to my girlfriends for a baby shower. Our friend is adopting from Ethiopia and we are all so excited for her and her husband. It has been a long road for them, as with all my fellow adoptive moms. I can't wait to meet the little one in person.

I think this was Monday. Asa was riding around in his Jeep. I always make Asa show me that the brakes are working before he starts tearing around the yard. I was giving a thumbs up. Brakes are working properly. Trying to spin out. I could tell in his eyes that he was thinking about something.

Yup, he was thinking of something dangerous to do.

He started jumping off the Jeep. He thought he was really cool.

He told me he was doing Power Ranger moves. I took so many pictures of him doing this over and over again. After each jump, he would come to me and look at the picture. He would say "wait Mum, I'm going to do another one".

Oops, busted. I didn't know that Daddy has said NO JUMPING.

Asa and I just playing around.

He's busy engineering.

"where do I start"

Soccer practice. It was such a beautiful day. I love the colors

Wipe Out. When he's playing soccer, he can get hurt and he never cries. Once, after he had fallen on the field, a team mate stepped on his face with his cleats and Asa got a deep gouge in his cheek. Asa just kept brushing it with his hands and he was fine. He always has a smile on his face when he plays soccer.

This is at Sissy's birthday dinner. Look how happy she is. My niece is gorgeous.

Sissy's pretty gorgeous too. Sangria...yum:)

Mom had been trying to decorate this plain T for a few months now. She bought quite a few embellishments and she just didn't like how it would look. She knew she wanted a Halloween shirt though. This is her finished product. It turned out pretty cute. I told her it didn't even really look like a Grandma shirt! This shirt is a collectors item.

At lunch before trick or treating. We took the kids to Thai food, since it's pretty much their favorite and we figured they would get their tummy's really full before they started in on candy.

Oh, my girls

You can't go trick or treating with out a refreshing Thai beer first. When Valentina saw this being served to me she said "beer, TT beer".

This picture is priceless and brings tears to my eyes.

This one too:)

My friend Laurie's son B. was a stormtrooper too. Asa LOVED IT! I loved it too. I actually got a break from playing blaster.

Mr. Independent

Miss independent, when she wants to be. She just wanted to be catered to while trick or treating.

My sweet boy

At Auntie Lori's house. She spoils these two. They are her only trick or treaters and she decorates her place so cute for them.

Saturday morning before Soccer. "ASA, Halloween was YESTERDAY!"

Our little crocodile team. Doing their last hooray of the season. One of the little boys wanted to wear his costume. He looked so cute chasing after the ball in his costume. Coach said OK since it was a purple costume.

Staying dry.

Another fun week for us all. Now we are raring and ready to go for Josh's 30th birthday, Mom's birthday, Valentina's coming home day and Thanksgiving.

TGIF

2008-10-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Asa woke up and the first words from his mouth was "Mum, do you know what day it is??????It's HALLOWEEN! Where's my costume?" This is the most excited I've ever been for Halloween. We have Valentina AND Asa. SO FUN!

Tomorrow is Asa's last fall soccer game and there will be a pizza party afterwards. I'm going to miss his little team mates. Maybe we will see them this spring again. After that, we have a baby shower for a special chick that is adopting from Ethiopia. We will get to see pictures of her sweet baby girl. Please keep good thoughts and or prayers for a quick pick up trip for her and her family. Dia de los Muertos in the evening as well! Another busy weekend for the Gonzalez clan.

I'm running short on time, so I have to jet, but want everyone to have a safe and happy Halloween!

Shake N' Bake!

Woe is me

2008-10-29T08:28:00.001-07:00

My attitude and mental state is much better than Friday. After watching my little man playing soccer and spending some time with my bigger man over the weekend, I got energized. The sweet comments and love from my family helped out too. Thank you:) Things are OK.

Yesterday my boss told my co-worker and I that our hours are being cut by 1 hour a day. This is quite unfortunate. It doesn't seem like much, but our budget is tight as it is and this will be a challenge to work with. I'm praying that all will work out. I am searching for another job. It's slim pickings out there right now, but again, I'm praying that all will work out. I told Joshua that he needs to get a THIRD job. He just laughed.

My inlaws in West Virginia are flying us there to visit. I am looking forward to spending over a week with Joshua and Asa. It is a long flight to New York and then to Pittsburgh. Asa will do fine on the trip though. I told him that we were going to go on a plane ride and I asked him if he was excited. He answered "not weally". I thought that was weird. When ever he sees a plane in the air, he points and says how cool it is. He then told me that instead of riding in the plane, he would rather pilot it. Boy's are fun wreckers sometimes. I AM going to miss my family that I'm leaving behind though. Sissy is being kind of a fun wrecker too about our trip. She doesn't like it when we aren't all together. It stresses her out and of course, she will miss us. I am going to miss my dear little Valentina a lot. I hope that she remembers me when we get back.

Yesterday I had Valentina in the afternoon and we made cards for Sissy's birthday. Those kids enjoy putting stickers on everything and of course they made me laugh with their art. They were great until the Septic tank poo sucker came and then...disaster.

A crew member was talking on the phone with my father in law, explaining what had been done and what needs to be done to keep the tree roots from taking over the septic tank, etc....The call was taking longer then I had anticipated and I'm standing in the door way trying to coral the children. Asa is talking in his very loud question voice "Mum, IS THAT MAN SUCKING THE POO FROM THE SEPTIC TANK SO IT WON'T BACK UP INTO OUR HOUSE AND MAKE A MESS AND COST LOTS OF MONEY?" I tried to ignore him, telling him to keep quiet but he kept asking it louder and louder. I keep telling the kids to be quiet, the man on the phone can't hear grandpa. The barefoot children crawl on the hands and feet and get past my arm barricade and run loose. I am barefoot (can you believe it Mandy?) and running after them, hoping that they won't fall in the septic hole and that Valentina won't make a run for the road. After a few minutes I round them up and scoot them into the house. Contractor is still on the phone and I don't want to leave him outside, because I have to sign off on the invoice. Valentina come to me at the door way and is pointing to her crotch area and telling me "poo poo TT, poo poo". As soon as she says that to me, Asa yells from his bedroom "MUM, I THINK I HAD A PEE ACCIDENT AND WET MY PANTS, COME HELP ME, IT'S WET IN HERE". During THAT time, the over buzzer goes off and I see the indoor cat runs out the door way. I'll leave it at that.

Sissy's birthday dinner was great. She just had a perma grin on her face the entire time. She had her daughter for her birthday!

To my Sissy

2008-10-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISSY!

Thank you for being the best sissy a sissy could ever want. You are so caring, loving, selfless, loyal and strong. You give without any hesitations. Seeing you as a mother has given me even more to love about you. I LOVE how you love both our kids. You are a wonderful wife and daughter. Always giving. We have gone through so much as a family and you have always been the strong, clear minded one though most of them. Even though I'm the older sibling, I learn from you daily. Thank you for always being you. I love you so much and thank God that we live nearby and can share our experiences on a daily basis. You will ALWAYS be the best friend that I've had the longest. I love you Sissy.

TGIF

2008-10-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Grama watched the kids while us girls went shopping and to lunch. We just putted around and took our time. It was nice. I didn't have to go down ANY toy aisles and argue with Asa that he is broke and can't afford any toys.

Tuesday night we went to the DVD store (that's what Asa calls Hollywood Video) and rented Diego and a Power Rangers movie. On the way home from the video store, he told Joshua "Daddy, Power Rangers is age appropriate, but it's not educational. That's why Mum doesn't let me watch it that much."

Last night, Asa went to bed before 8pm, so I got to treat myself to some much needed TV time. I got to watch Survivor and Top Design. I really needed to do something mindless since my mind has been racing lately.

I'm not feeling good. Can't sleep, anxiety, stressed, racing mind, restlessness and irritable. I hope I can ride this thing out before my doctors appointment in 2 weeks. I hope it doesn't get worse. We'll see.

It got cold last night, about 36 degrees. I made a bit of a fire and curled up and watched my TV last night. I think I'm going to do that tonight too:) I'm tired and just want to sleep sleep sleep.

I miss my Grandma and wish that I could give/get a hug from her or hold her hand. I wish that I would have seen her more than I did the last few years. There is so much I wish I could ask her and I will never have that chance.

I guess I'm a debbie downer today. I'm telling myself that it's just a bump in the road and all will be better next week. I can only hope.